Friday, April 23, 2010

Save Money by not Inventing Twitter and Save Time by not Using it

Warning: This blog is extremely critical of Twitter, as well as the kinds of things that are said on Twitter. If you are a Twitterer (Tweeter?? what is the word for a Twitter user?) who uses it in nosy, obnoxious, and self-centered kinds of ways, then you will probably feel kind of insulted. Of course, its the Internet, so we are free to make fun of anything we want, and if you don't like it you can express your anger with tweets like "I H8 How2makea$".  Go for it.

So anyway, just to get started, lets look at Twitter's business model to see if its any good. Twitter is estimated to have 75 million users. The maintenance and storage space for this many users is nearly incomprehensible, and the company claims that operating costs are about $20 to $25 million. The fact that the comapny's cost estimate could be off by $5 million should tell you something about how well it is run. In any case, there are no ads on Twitter, and no one pays a subscription. The business plan, so far as I can tell, is 

1. Provide an expensive and idiotic service that no one would ever pay for. 
2. Lose $20-$25 million per year

Now, before you you go tweeting  bad things about me, I am aware that Twitter made deals with Google and Microsoft that paid Twitter a total of $25 million in 2009. That is a lot of money, but it was a one-time deal, and to be honest, the guys in charge of Microsoft and Google have so much cash laying around their houses that they probably handed out the $25 million in order to clear up space in their living rooms. And of course, Twitter operating costs are "roughly" $25 million, so they appear to have broken even, which they could have done by simply not inventing Twitter in the first place. This would have been my recommendation if they had asked me about it.

Of course, being the Internet, it is entirely likely that someday Twitter will find a way to make gazillions of dollars. I don't really know how this will work, but its the Internet, so nearly anything is possible. For now though, I feel good about myself for making fun of them, even if they are billionaires tomorrow.

Now, lets discuss actual uses of Twitter. You know, in case there are any.
1. allows people to say things that no one cares the least bit about, such as "goin 2 wrk" or "bad day :(" or "I H8 teh Census"
2. allows people to spread gossip quickly such as "Brad Pitt and Matt Damon r ded!"*
3. promotes extremely poor spelling
4. allows and encourages nosiness and self-centeredness

To my knowledge these are the only four purposes for which Twitter exists. My recommendation for all you Twitter users who want to make a dollar is to quit using Twitter. With the time saved , you should go clean out your car. You can make good money that way.

*You heard it hear first. Brad Pitt and Matt Damon are dead.

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