Sunday, February 28, 2010

Make money buying trash from hoarders

We recently blogged about how to make money selling trash to hoarders.  Children of hoarders did not like this idea.  They thought it was "Completely tasteless.  Not funny." and wanted us to "Get a life."

So our new idea is to make money by buying trash from hoarders and reselling it to people who have so much money they don't know what to do except buy trash.  Now to the people buying the trash... its not trash... its vintage rusty goodness.  This is a perfect opportunity to start your future as a recirculation specialist (aka flipping).

Step by Step Business plan
1) Find hoarder
2) Watch out for their children because they don't like you no matter if you buy or sell their parents trash
3) Hoarders are easy to spot... but for a "good" hoarder with junk (not just trash) look in between the pizza boxes and McDonald's Happy Meal toys for the rusty cars, bicycles, vintage signs and coins.
4) After picking through the trash tell them all they have is junk and they should pay you to take it off their hands before the government kicks them out of their house.
5) If they don't want to just give it to you, pay them at least $1 for their items
6) Put junk/trash/vintage rusty goodness on ebay and make a ridiculous amount of money.

Want some inspiration on taking hoarders junk and selling to rich people who need something to spend their extra money on?  Check out the new History Channel show American Pickers.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

How to make money in Eagle River, Alaska

I'm sure most of you have been on the edge of your seats waiting anxiously to see if someone from Alaska visited our site.  For those who were not waiting anxiously or were not aware of Howtomakeadollar until recently... here is where we blogged about wanting someone from Alaska to visit our site.  And here is where we blogged about ways to make money in Alaska to lure people from Alaska.

I am proud to announce someone from Eagle River, Alaska has visited our site!  Way to go Eagle River.

As a prize for the people of Eagle River, Alaska, here is a step by step business plan on how to make money in Eagle River.

1) Buy a dog that looks like you
2) Attend the Bear Paw Festival in July
3) Enter the "Dog and Owner look-a-like" contest
4) Look the most like your dog
5) Win the competition

Alternative plan for non Alaskans: Move to Eagle River, Alaska.  The government pays you to live there and you get free gasoline and salmon for life.

Picture and information from the best source of information in the world: wikepedia

Friday, February 26, 2010

Howtomakeadollar Welcomes its Official Fact Check Guy

You may have noticed that contributors to Howtomakeadollar occasionally use the tag "Unsubstantiated Claims" on certain blog entries. We use this tag because we sometimes make statements that seem unreliable, or, more accurately, we occasionally make statements that appear to be completely made up. This tag is not to say that our statements are untrue. It is simply used to point out that we have not backed up our statements using authoritative sources. That is why we are proud to report that we have added an Official* Fact Check Guy (OFCG) to our ranks.

*OFCG does not hold an official position at Howtomakeadollar. The word "Official" in his title is for diminatative purposes only, and does not imply, incite, implede, nor in any other way co-comingulate such office as may resimmitize payment, either directly or indirectly, of any kind.

This does not mean that we will no longer use the "unsubstantiated claims" tag. In fact, we will probably use it even more frequently. We have outsourced the responsibility of truth to the OFCG, and will no longer be held accountable for the relationship between statements made on our blog and any form of external reality.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Make Money By Going Missing

UPDATE:  Last week we wrote to inform our readers that one of our contributors had gone missing, and for various reasons, was presumed dead. We are somewhat relieved, and mildly pleased to report that he has now been found alive. Before continuing, you need to read the original missing person notice here.

He turned himself in for the $1 reward after reading about his disappearance on Howtomakeadollar. The $1 reward was offered specifically for information about his health and location. He confirmed his health by reporting that he was "not dead," but refused to give any specifics regarding his whereabouts, except for mumbling something incoherent about the border police in Namibia. Consequently, he was only able to obtain 50 cents of the reward, which is probably an accurate appraisal of his net worth.

We are kind of happy to welcome back his "unique" voice as a "contributor" to this blog.  However, the entire incident gave us yet another can't-miss money-making idea: Go missing, and when a reward is posted for information regarding your whereabouts, come forward yourself and claim the prize.  In order to have someone offer a reward when you go missing, you may need to commit a crime or have a loved one.  We have found that our readers generally fall into one of those two categories.  So chances are, you're good to go.  Missing, that is.

Related Business Ideas:  Have a bounty taken out for your head.  Then deliver your head.  You do still have it, don't you?  Or conversely, find someone else who goes missing and offers to give you $5000 if you find them.

Other related Business Idea for People who do not have Loved Ones, and are not suspected of Crimes:
1. Find a person who probably has loved ones
2. Convince the person to go for a ride in your car. You may need to use coercive techniques such as offering candy or a hot stock investment tip. Very few people can resist a good stock investment idea from a stranger. It is ideal if you can get them into your trunk, but this is not necessarily necessary.
3. Once they get in the car, drive away quickly. Make sure to have your tires squeal.
4. Soon there will be a reward offered for either the person in your car, or yourself, possibly both of you
5. Turn yourself in to the person offering the reward, along with the person in your car

Personally, I think this is different from kidnapping. Kidnappers are mean, scary, and dangerous. You are just a nice guy looking for some easy cash. HUGE difference.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Make Money by Selling Priceless Artwork Part 3

Chances are, if you have an Internet connection and are literate, that you've heard about our wildly popular blog posts about making money with art. If by some chance you have not read these wonderful masterpieces of wonder and wonderment, you can do so here. However, you may as well keep reading this post for now, since you are here.

Some people have very poor taste in art, and they may not appreciate your masterpiece. In fact, this is a good way to tell if you are a truly talented artist. Truly talented artists are never appreciated in their own lifetimes. Thats why Vincent Van Gogh and Claude Monet and Rembrandt* were so poor. No one knew they were any good until they died. So if people don't like your art, that means you're a very talented artist. The more they hate it, the better you should feel about yourself. 

*Does anyone know Rembrandt's first name? I think it was Marv, but I could be wrong.

One obvious way to get people to pay massive amounts of money for your art would be to die. However, dying is kind of permanent, and you may regret it later, like a bad tattoo.  Faking your death could be a good option, but I've tried it a few times, and something always seems to go wrong. Please email me if you have ever faked your own death and then went on to a successful career as an artist. I would really like some pointers. I promise I won't tell anyone you are alive.

The best way to make money from art during your own lifetime is to paint pictures and sign them "Pablo Picasso." People spend millions on paintings by Picasso, and yours would be no different.
Dude descending a staircase

(plus $.44 for shipping... sorry the artwork may come folded in an envelope*)
*a standard iron should take the creases right out

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Check out our new feature.... we now accept donations using paypal! Now you can donate money to us!

Reasons you should donate to howtomakeadollar:
- We asked you to
- We are awesome
- Our children, wives, and pet fish are dying of global warming.
- You are nice*
- You don't have anything better to do with a dollar
- You are under the impression that donating to us will enter you for a major prize. You are free to think this.
- You have an uncontrollable urge to click on random buttons on the internet
- You hate us, and are donating sarcastically
- You are under the false impression that we are a charitable institution. (We're not, but we've written about some)
- You think that by clicking the donate button we will donate money to you. You are free to think this.
- You tried one of our ideas and would like to share some of your massive profits with us before you get arrested.
- Your cat** ran across the keyboard and somehow clicked the donate button
- We owe a dollar to a guy named Vinny in Long Island
- You are a regular reader and appreciate getting a daily blog post for free

*We promise that if you donate to us (minimum donation one dollar), we will declare you officially "nice." All you have to do is donate to us, then email us and say "I donated to you. Am I nice?" We will reply and say "Yes. You are nice." You can then put "I am nice" on your resume. Everyone who has ever received this declaration from us has gone on to lead extremely successful business and family lives.
However, if you do not donate to us, then you are automatically categorized as mean. For example, if you email us and say "I did not donate to you. Am I nice?" We will reply and say "No. You are mean. Very mean." No one who has been called mean by Howtomakeadollar has ever done anything successful in their lives. You don't want this. You want "Nice."

**Howtomakeadollar does not endorse owning a cat. However, if you have a cat, we would appreciate it if you leave this screen open at all times and encourage your cat to run around on the keyboard. Besides, running around is good for cardiac health. Did you know that 100% of all cats die when theirs hearts stop beating?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Videos are key to a successful blog

Do you want your blog to be successful?  If the answer is yes... make sure you include videos.  Videos are key to a successful blog.  The video can be totally unrelated to anything at all.

Just make sure you include a video every so often.  People do not like to read; therefore give your "readers" what they want... an opportunity not to read!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Pictures are key to a good blog

If you would like to have a successful blog (like howtomakeadollar), pictures are essential.

It does't even matter what the picture is of.  People don't like to read anymore.  Just type something... anything and throw in a couple of pictures and I can guarantee you your blog will be successful.  It is a scientifically proven fact that people like pictures.  It would help if your pictures were of a cool subject and in focus... but it is not a requirement.

Most pictures can speak a thousand words, but this one only speaks one word. Oh well. Its still a great photo right? I ♥ dolphins

Maybe you have a picture from a trip you took.  That's cool, throw it up on the blog post for good measure.  

Whatever you do... just make sure YOU POST PICTURES IN YOUR BLOG.  If you do not post pictures, people will get bored and leave your site.

Four pictures are the recommended amount.  Anything more than that and people lose interest.  Anything less than that and people focus too much on the pictures and wonder why you have a picture of your pet cat while you are blogging about Alaska.  Howtomakeadollar does not endorse pictures of cats.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Tax Deductions for Artwork

I can only assume that the reason no one has bid on our priceless artwork is because you feel that your house is too modest to be burdened by such a magnificent and groundbreaking wall hanging. However, this is not a real loss for us, because we can still make a significant amount of money off this piece of art even if no one buys it.

How? By getting a tax deduction of course. You see, anything you donate to a registered non-profit organization in the U.S. is tax deductible. That means that if you donate some old clothes to the local Salvation Army, you can write it off in your taxes. The downside is that old clothes aren't worth much, so your tax writeoff will be like five dollars. 

The key is to donate something extremely valuable. This is where priceless artwork comes in. 

How to get a high tax deduction for a junky piece of art
1. Create some sort of artwork. It does not have to be good.
2. Offer to sell it to your friends
3. Convince a few of them to bid the price up to an extremely high price, like 80 dollars (some art goes for multi millions of dollars, so really, there is not much of a limit)
4. Do not actually sell it to them. They are bidding the price up artificially high, knowing that they will not actually have to buy it at that price.
5. After the price has been bid up really high, donate the art to some kind of charity
6. Tell the charity that the art is worth whatever amount your friends bid it up to. I doubt they will ask many questions about this.
7. Get a receipt from the charity
8. Write off this amount in your taxes the following year*
9. Wait for the IRS to approve your gigantic tax refund. I imagine they will approve it immediately, and send you a nice card thanking you for your generosity towards the charity. The IRS is very friendly, and always approves everything.
10. Collect your enormous tax refund

*This idea is actually more illegal than most of our other ones, to the point that we feel it is necessary to point out that you should not actually do it. It is called tax fraud. Even though Al Capone probably killed like 1000 people in the 1920s and 1930s, the thing that finally got him in trouble was tax fraud. The FBI may not notice if you kill a bunch of gangsters in Chicago, but if you do something shady with your taxes, they will always find out.

Alternative idea:  if you do not want to be on the bad side of the IRS change step 5 in the above business plan to read "5. After the price has been bid up really high, demand the highest bidder pay the full bid price."  Friends forget and forgive... the IRS does not!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Missing person alert! Reward!

URGENT: One of Howtomakeadollar's founding members is missing and presumed dead! We are offering a $1 reward for any information leading to knowledge of his whereabouts and general health. Howtomakeadollar strives to maintain the anonymity of its writers, so we will not give you this man's name. However, you can see a picture of him here.  

He is middle-aged, balding, (though known to wear a toupee) and morbidly obese. His teeth are plated with gold, and he has extraordinarily hairy arms, back and chest, as well as occasional facial hair. He serves as a freelance nudist and part time Elvis impersonator in the greater Pittsburgh area, and may be armed, but should not be considered dangerous. His inspiring work as an Elvis impersonator provided us with the basis for this post. The last time anyone heard from him was during an emergency late-night company conference call on Feb. 8, 2010. During the call he was pressured into numerous company responsibilities, but did not seem bothered by it. He was in good spirits and spoke coherently, alertly, and without slurred speech. He did not mention any enemies or angry girlfriends, and seemed optimistic about several business ventures. For reasons we would not like to get into right now, he is presumed to be dead. However, the $1 reward stands for any information about his whereabouts, whether he is dead or not. Anyone with information is encouraged to email 
Obituary follows.

[Name withheld], (age unknown), a freelance nudist and occasional Elvis impersonator, as well as frequent contributor to the wildly successful small business blog "," is missing, and for various undisclosed reasons, is presumed dead. 

Throughout his life he was often celebrated for his erratic driving, unusual fondness for gothic fantasy fiction, and his many pets, which may have numbered over 60. An astonishingly virile man, he is believed to have fathered at least eight children, with up to six others currently engaged in various paternity and custody battles.

However, despite his numerous accomplishments, he was probably most appreciated by his closest friends for his extremely well developed sense of humor and easy going attitude. As a contributor to Howtomakeadollar, he quickly distinguished himself from other contributors by coming up with the funniest and most cutting-edge ideas, and was not afraid to push the ethical envelope in the name of profit.

He is survived by his six former wives, numerous children, two fiancees, and up to 16 cats, 11 rabbits, 18 parrots, and an unknown number of dogs.

Generally speaking, he will be missed.

Missing a loved one? Howtomakeadollar can write up an obituary or missing person notice for one dollar.

UPDATE: Our friend was identified on Feb. 25, alive, but not well. Reward collected. Read about it here.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Make Money by Going Fishing a Lot

Ok, so apparently there is a breed of carp called "asian carp" that has invaded the Mississippi River and eaten all the other fish. Not only this, but the Asian Carp are threatening to invade the Great Lakes, where they would presumably destroy a $7 billion fishing industry.

This article  uses the phrase "marauding carp" to describe these fish. They grow up to 40 pounds and four feet long, and are able to jump about 10 feet in the air. Sometimes they leap out of the water and attack boaters, occasionally causing concussions and broken bones. (its true, Wikipedia says so). They eat and reproduce so fast that they are able to destroy native fish populations. Apparently they are so dangerous that the government is spending $78.5 million to find a way to keep them out of the the Great Lakes. There is only one route between the Great Lakes and the Mississippi, a manmade canal. Naturally, the government is rejecting the idea of simply laying a net across this canal, which could be done by a bunch of illegal immigrants for about $5.78, plus a ride back to the nearest 7-11.

Why is this woman holding a bow and arrow and sitting in a camouflage chair in the middle of a lake? Why is she not the slightest bit concerned that a gigantic carp is flying into her head?  
Photo came from this page. 

All well and good. The most obvious, cheapest and easiest idea has been nixed. Fine. That means that the $78.5 million is still out there, waiting for someone to get rid of these carp. For the record, there is a $25 million reward for Osama Bin Laden. The carp, apparently, are more than three times as dangerous as Bin Laden. We've already outlined a good way for you to catch him, so now we are going to give you a good solution for stopping these crazy marauding carp. My guess is that there are at least 100 ways to destroy these carp for less than one million dollars, but since we have $78.5 million to work with, we might as well take it.

How to make $78.5 million by going fishing a lot
1. Go fishing a lot
2. Everytime you catch a marauding carp, kill it. Everytime you catch something else, throw it back.
3. Eat the marauding carp. If you don't like carp meat, then make cat food out of it or put it in someone's car who you don't like.

In all seriousness, what if someone paid a $1 bounty for every Asian Carp. Surely there are less than one million of them, and over a few years they would all be caught, or would at least be kept in check. Additionally, carp meat is a common food in China, so its definitely edible.*

*Yes yes, I know, just because people in China eat it doesn't mean its edible, but again, cats could eat it, and then the people in China could eat the cats. Problem solved.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mother Mary Food

I'm sure you've heard about appearances of Mary (the mother of Jesus) in various items. I remember hearing about Mary appearing in people's french fries, mold spores on a window, and pepperoni pizzas. There is a whole Wikipedia page dedicated to this phenomenon. Usually when you hear about this kind of thing you probably shrug it off and forget about it. Fortunately for you, Howtomakeadollar never forgets anything, and we actually specialize in all things related to mold spores, french fries, and pizza. With our excellent memories, strong practical reasoning, and opportunistic cooking skills, we've stumbled upon a fantastic money-making opportunity for Mary enthusiasts.

You see, Mary appearances can be extremely valuable. In 2004 a woman found Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich and sold it for $28,000 on Ebay. 

Now before we explain how you can get in on this racket, you need to ask yourself some serious, soul searching questions. First of all, is it ok to eat Mary? Are you blessed if you eat the Mary pizza? Are you cursed? If you don't eat it, then what do you do with it? Do you hang it on the wall? What if you eat part of it and then hang the leftovers on the wall? These are the decisions you must make if you are a true Mary enthusiast. 

Personally, as a frequent eater of pizza, grilled cheese, and french fries, I'm about 50% sure that you are most blessed if you eat Mary. If she appeared in your food then I take that as a green light. If she appears as mildew on your window, that is probably a sign that your window is dirty. 

Now, how can you make money off the Mary phenomena?

Make Money by Eating Lots of Mary Food
Business Description: People travel all around the world to see Mary appearances. As I mentioned above, someone paid $28,000 for a partly eaten Mary sandwich. Obviously these people are on to something. Mary food provides major blessings. If you want your business to be blessed, then you need to get lots of Mary food and eat it. If eating it doesn't work then you need to get even more Mary food and hang it on your wall. The more Mary food you have, the more you will be blessed. Its very simple.

"I like what you're saying, but where can I get lots of Mary food?"

Glad you asked.
You can buy it from Howtomakeadollar. We will gladly sell you Mary toast, Mary pancakes, and Mary sandwiches for a dollar. One of our contributors is pretty sure he can procure some Mary waffles too. However, these are more expensive because of the difficult waffle market.

"This sounds completely reasonable to me. Can I see photos of the Mary food before paying for it?"

"Well, alright... This seems like a very trustworthy and reputable website. How do I order a dozen?"
Email us at

Another way to make money off this:
Sell toasters or frying pans that are manipulated in a way that causes them to look like Mary. Of course, these won't be "real" images of Mary because they are artificially created, and if people are buying your toasters, then presumably they are aware of this. So if you make these toasters, you may as well offer all kinds of images on them. My suggestions are Mary, Che Guevara, and maybe Abe Lincoln. I think the irony of having Lincoln on one side and Guevara on the other would be ironic enough to sell a lot of these. Mary, of course, should stand alone on her toast. I think there are other good images you could use as well.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Make money from collecting pennies

Have you ever thought to yourself "How much is a penny worth?"  Probably not because everyone knows a penny is worth $.01.  Right?

For the majority of the time, that would be the correct answer.  However, pennies minted between 1909 to 1982 are actually worth $.02.  Don't try to go to a store and tell them your penny is worth $.02, because they won't believe you (If you do try this, please video tape it and email it to us).

The $.02 value of pennies minted between 1909 and 1982 comes from the value of the metal used to make them.  These pennies are made of 95% copper.  As the value of copper increases, so does the value of these pennies.  So... if my math is right.... you pay $.01 for a 1909 to 1982 penny but the metal content is actually worth $.02... thats a 100% profit.  100% profit is 100% no matter what!  People try there whole lives to make that kind of profit.  Instead of risking their money in the stock market, all they have to do is look in their pocket!

Change we believe in 

Note: it may be illegal to melt coins (not too sure... there was a temporary law passed in 2006 that made it illegal... but I don't know if it ever became a "real" law).

Nickels are also a good source of profit.

Monday, February 15, 2010

How to Make Money In the Arctic

"The People of the Land Beyond the Land Beyond"

The Winter Olympics are upon us, giving us a perfect opportunity to point out something unique about Canada.  I never knew this before and I think there's a significant reason for that, but more on that later.

Alert, Nunavut in Canada is the northernmost settlement with permanent inhabitants in the world.  It's gently nestled within the arctic circle on Ellesmere island next to Greenland.  Despite being very cold and covered in snow 10 months of the year, the climate is actually quite dry, averaging only 6 inches of total precipitation per year.  There are 5 months of total sunlight and 5 months of total darkness.  The only time the temperature is above freezing is during their 2 month summer season when it reaches all the way into the upper 30s.  Downright balmy.  The place is so charming that two of the most significant events in its history were catastrophic plane crashes.

This is definitely not one of the most inhabitable places in the world, but yet, at last count, up to 5 people may actually permanently reside in Alert.  There are many temporary inhabitants of the frigid hamlet due to the presence of the Canadian Forces Station Alert facility, a weather station, and an airport, which is presumably the only way to get there.  Unless you ride a moose by the light of the aurora.  Why, then, does anyone choose to live there?  To man the weather station?  I don't think you need a permanent weather station to know that it's going to be yet another cold, dark day (unless of course it's the half of the year with total, relentless, blinding sunlight).  Something just doesn't quite add up.  Which brings me to my earlier suspicion of why I never heard of this place before.  My guess is that the residents have discovered, through sophisticated weather monitoring (and with a little help from Al Gore), that the ice caps are going to melt sometime within their lifetimes, transforming the icy outpost of Alert into a pleasant, tropical paradise.  They're just claiming their beachfront property now.  Luckily, we here at howtomakeadollar have discovered their secret and are sharing it with you, dear loyal reader, so you can be one of the few, lucky opportunists to claim a tract of land in one of the remotest parts of the earth that will eventually be worth millions.  That is, of course, assuming that you can stand to live among muskoxen, caribou, and Canadians, and are resilient to frostbite, depression, and insomnia (24 hour sunlight can be excruciating).  On the plus side, I bet baby seal tastes pretty good.  And it'll all be worth it in the end.  There may be easier ways to make money than this, but I doubt it.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day to Naomi, Madeline and Oliver!

Happy Valentine's Day to the cutest, most wonderful family in the whole world!  I love you so much and I am so thankful you are in my life!


Do you want to be as cool as Andrew and SHOW YOUR LOVE to someone too?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Make money by keeping a list

You're laying in bed thinking about all of the brilliant ways you can make money... and then it comes to you...  THE BEST IDEA OF YOUR LIFE!  You think to yourself "this is such a good idea I'll never forget it."  And you go to sleep happy that you will soon be a millionaire.  You wake up in the morning and as you're taking a shower you remembered that before you fell asleep you had THE BEST IDEA OF YOUR LIFE... but the problem is: you can't remember what that idea was!

Don't let this scenario happen to you.  You never know when inspiration will hit you.  So when it hits you, be prepared.  KEEP A LIST.  I recommend keeping a ipod or iphone with you at all times so you can add all of your ideas to a list.  But if you don't have an ipod or iphone and don't want to spend money on cool technology, all you need is a pen and paper.  Write down all of your ideas, you never know which one will be THE ONE!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Make Money at the Olympics

The other day I was going about my business, making money hand over fist, and watching all my stock investments go up while the market went down, and checking out my supermodel wife, when it hit me. The Olympics are this year. Like now. Who knew? Actually, they start today, Feb 12. In Vancouver British Columbia, which is in Canada.

Three ways to make money at the Olympics

Get really good at a sport
1. Pick a sport that you think is an Olympic event
2. Get really good at it by playing first person video games and watching it on TV. This will give you some basic knowledge of how the sport works. The rest is just fitness, dieting, and motor skills, which anyone can do
3. Go to Vancouver
4. Win a gold medal in dramatic fashion, say, with a broken leg, or by beating some Russian guy.
5. Suddenly become really rich. (Not sure who pays you for this, but someone will)

Follow Athletes Around
If you don't feel like playing the requisite video games to become an Olympic athlete you can make money by following athletes around.

1. Find an Olympic athlete. You can identify them because they are usually extremely muscular, good looking, and fast. If you find an athlete that is not all of the above, you should look for a different one, because that one isn't going to win.
2. Follow athlete around.
3. When the athlete drops something, pick it up
4. Sell item on Ebay, or Craigslist if the item is really dirty and broken
5. Take pictures of athletes clothes, and any members of the opposite sex that appear with the athlete
6. Sell photos to gossip magazines.
7. Take pictures of athlete injecting self with steroids
8. Sell photos to athlete

Use an Athlete as a Human Billboard
You will need:
1. Post-it Note
2. Sharpie

How it works
1. Sneak up behind athlete just before the event starts
2. Write the name of your business on the post it note
3. Slap post-it note on athlete's back

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Make Money by Answering People's Questions on

You probably saw a commercial during the Super Bowl for something called KGB. The commercial featured two pencil-necked nerds in a wrestling mat with a sumo wrestler. Each guy had to figure out how to say "I surrender" in Japanese. The nerd who texted the kgb service (the number is 542-542) got the answer faster than the guy who surfed the internet. The first guy got away, the second guy wound up saying "bring it on fat man" and then got sat on. It was a typical Super Bowl commercial. See it here.

This service is useful to people who are willing to pay money for answers because they
A. Need good answers fast.
B. Are in too much of a hurry to take .12 seconds to run a google search

However, its also a decent way to make some money if you have a broad knowledge base. You can work as an answerer and get paid 10 cents for every question you answer. Its not a ton of money, but you can make about $10- $20 per hour this way. (You have to pass a general knowledge test on in order to become a "special agent," but its not too hard.)

Here is how it works
Lets say some guy in Sri Lanka needs to know the best way to fight off a male Bengal tiger. He probably needs an answer really fast, so instead of googling "Best way to fight off a male Bengal tiger," he texts the question to 542542. (People in Sri Lanka always carry their iPhone when fighting tigers, especially Bengals). This question will then immediately appear on your computer, and you can answer it.*

*The best way to fight off a Bengal Tiger is to shoot it with the biggest gun you have while yelling something in Sri Lankan. It doesn't matter what you yell. Sri Lankan is a made up language that is very confusing to tigers, especially tigers that have been shot.

Likewise, if you need to get a quick answer about how to photocopy money, you can text it to kgb. Of course, you will have to pay some money to do this, but its an option if you are desperate. Howtomakeadollar never recommends spending money. Only earning* it.

*By "earning" we do not mean "earning fairly" or "earning by hard work." We mean "acquiring by any means available."

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Make Money by Getting one of those cool texting donation numbers

You've probably seen ads for donating money to the Red Cross. Just text "HAITI" to 90999, and somehow the Red Cross gets 10 dollars. I have no idea how this works. All I know is that an easy way to make money would be to change your phone number to 90998, and hope lots of people misdial.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Happy Valanniversary* Meg!

Meg... you are loved by Matt!

Matt has reserved this day just for you.  He loves you so much he has given you something we're sure none of your friends have... your very own blog for the day.  Not only has he given you this blog for the day, but he has created his very own holiday for you.  Happy Valanniversary!

Matt loves Meg like a frat loves its keg
Like a bum loves to beg
'Cause she's pretty and sweet 
and good for him like whole wheat

He likes to take her on picnics
And his heart beats on pin pricks
'Cause he's hot for her 
like nuclear physics

Thats why at this time of year
He always holds her dear
Because he thinks she's fine
And thanks the Lord that its February nine.

A custom love haiku:
A day just for us:
Our Valanniversary!
Love everlasting.

I can't wait for the rest of our lives together!

*A Valanniversary is an anniversary that takes place near Valentines day

If you would like to be as romantic as Matt... get your own SHOW YOUR LOVE POST!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Sell priceless artwork

Believe it or not... "priceless" artwork actually has a price!  And it usually comes with a lot of zeros.  It appears selling and/or creating "priceless" art is a profitable business.

Here is the business plan:
1) Create "priceless" artwork
2) Sell above mentioned artwork on ebay for A LOT OF MONEY!

Unfortunately, there is not a perfect formula to determine what "priceless" really means.  Not all art and/or artists are appreciated as much as others.  Below is a picture of our attempt at this business model.  This "priceless" artwork titled "Long day in the lunchroom" really did have a price... but it was too high for the simple minded art collectors on ebay.  For those sophisticated art collectors that read this blog... today is your lucky day!  If you would like it... its yours for $1!  No where else in the world, besides howtomakeadollar, can you buy priceless artwork for only $1.

Long Day in the Lunchroom

Sunday, February 7, 2010

How to Make Money from the Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is a big deal, and tons of money is spent on it every year. In big markets like this you can do pretty well by simply gaining a tiny fraction of the overall market. You don't have to be a genius. Thats good for you, because statistically speaking, only like 1% of the population is a genius, so you probably aren't.

Fortunately for you, the screening process for Howtomakeadollar writers is very strict, and we are all geniouses. (sp??)

Idea: Sell "Tickets"
How the Business Works: Relatively few people have ever been to a Super Bowl, so most people probably don't know what tickets look like. This is where you come in.
1. Go to a county fair
2. Get a bunch of those tickets that say "admit one." I'm pretty sure thats what Super Bowl tickets look like.
3. Write "Super Bowl" on the tickets with a sharpie
4. Sell on Ebay, or if you happen to live near Miami, you can go to the stadium and scalp them outside

Idea: Sell hotdogs and beer
How the Business Works: You've probably been to a sporting event, and you may have seen people going around selling hotdogs and beer. They work for the stadium, so they don't keep the money they make. This is where you come in.
1. Get a bunch of hotdogs and beer.
2. Sneak into the stadium. (I doubt this will be very difficult.)
3. Run around shouting about your cold beer (does not have to be cold) and your hot dogs. For the beer you have to promote it as colder than any other beer ever, or else people will buy beer from a different guy who convinces them that his is colder. Hot dogs are easier. Just yell "Hot Dogs!" frequently. There are very few appropriate adjectives that can make a hot dog sound more appetizing. Either people want them or they don't.
4. Sell them to people for a dollar.

Idea: Make Bets
How the business works: Lots of people like to make bets on sports events, especially the Super Bowl. Only about half of these people win their bets. Howtomakeadollar has a better way.
1. Go to a Super Bowl party
2. Offer any bet on the game outcome that someone is willing to take. It makes no difference who you bet on to win. Just bet against whatever the other person says.
3. Watch Super Bowl
4. If your team wins, make sure the other guy pays up
5. If your team loses, insist that you actually bet the opposite way, and make them pay you. If they refuse, offer a compromise in which no one pays. Tell the person that its just money, and that you forgive them.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Upcoming Super Bowl post

There is a big Super Bowl post coming up tomorrow. Check in before the game so you can be ready to make a few bucks.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Make money from the Blizzard of 2010

According to the news we are now in the middle of the Blizzard of 2010!

Now that it has officially been named the Blizzard of 2010... it's time to make money off of it.

Step by step business plan:
1) Put on your cross country skis and go to the nearest Walmart (don't worry, they're always open)
2) Buy lots of t-shirts, hats, and mugs
3) Buy a permanent marker
4) Write "I survived the Blizzard of 2010!" on all your newly purchased merchandise
5) Sell above mentioned merchandise on ebay

Business Risks: If someone buys your shirt, but then dies before the blizzard is over, their family may try to get the money back. I'm not sure how to handle this.

Optional: buy your own printing press or screenpress your own t-shirts to mass produce quickly

For other ways to make money from snow... click here.

If anyone wants a t-shirt, email us and we'll send you one in the mail.

Howtomakeadollar does not imply that the purchaser of these shirts will actually, in fact, survive the blizzard of 2010.

How to Make Money by Breaking Stuff

I have to say up front that this is not an original idea. Even with all the brilliant minds behind the ideas at Howtomakeadollar, none of us is smart enough to make this kind of thing up. You probably wouldn't think so, but pillaging, plundering and burning stuff to the ground is actually good for the economy.

In econo-babble, pillage and plunder is called "reducing the supply," and it is actually, completely seriously, not joking, a real economic theory that intelligent PhD. economists believe in. This theory was advanced by a dead guy named John Maynard Keynes in the 1930s, and is very popular with politicians for some reason.

Keynes was a well-respected economist in the 1930s, and he believed that a good way to make the economy grow was to kill farm animals and burn cities. This would cause prices to go up, which would cause businesses to produce more goods, which would be good for business. Now, as I said, Keynes was pretty smart. If you write a big book about the virtues of destruction, mayhem and burning, no one will take you seriously. Change it to "reduce the supply" and you become a world renowned economist. It also helped that he was working during the 1930s, when the economy had sunk so much that no one knew where it was. So you can see why he understood it so poorly.

Somehow, against all common sense, his ideas caught on, and the U.S. government gave it a try. They slaughtered thousands of pigs to see if it would make meat prices go up. It did! Great! High pork prices! Just what the economy needs more of. They call it the Great Depression, but it wasn't that great.
Nonetheless, some economists to this day still adhere to these theories, and nowadays every time a hurricane or an earthquake destroys something you will hear people saying that it is actually good for the economy because of all the rebuilding that will happen.

Here is an example from USA Today: "Although natural disasters spread destruction and economic pain to a wide variety of businesses, for some, it can mean a burst in activity and revenue.
For that reason, economists tallying the numbers expect that hurricanes will be neutral in their effect on the U.S. economy, or may even give it a slight boost... "There's real pain," says Steve Cochrane, director of regional economics at, a consulting firm in West Chester, Pa. "But from an economic point of view, it is a plus..." (read the rest of this nonsense here)

There you have it! Some guy at is pretty sure that  hurricanes are good for the economy. (he has a website, so he must be an expert!) I apologize for my skepticism.

Now lets list some of the vital things that hurricanes do. 
1. Bring communities together under the same pile of rubble that used to be someone's roof
2. Increase the supply of contaminated water
3. Decrease the number of standing telephone poles, which are ugly
4. Create jobs for looters
5. Knock trees over, freeing numerous kittens who climbed too high to get down.
Yep, all those things are good for the economy.

Thanks to brilliant reader C. W. for giving me the basics on Keynes.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Many Ways to Make Money in Alaska

Howtomakeadollar is planning to expand its readership one state at a time. Alaska, you are first. Alabama, you are next. (We are going in semi-alphabetical order) 

Idea 1: Make Millions in Alaska by Drilling for Oil
1. Go to Alaska
2. Invest millions of dollars in geological testing
3. Thats it. Stop there.
This idea stops here. A bunch of people who have never been to Alaska* say you aren't allowed to drill for oil there because of the polar bears. Sorry. I recommend you go to Venezuela or Iran or someplace more friendly.

*John McCain was adamantly opposed to Alaskan Oil drilling. Sarah Palin was for it. Who was the political mastermind behind this match-up?... I suspect no one.

New idea: 
Make millions in Alaska by hugging Polar Bears
1. Go to Alaska
2. Find a polar bear
3. Wait for it to die
4. Take a picture of it
5. Put the picture on the internet and say an oil person killed it with his greedy smile
6. Presumably someone will pay you for this.*
*phone call from some hippie
Hello. Yes, What?? You guys do this for free!! What! Are you serious?? Because you love the Earth? You smell like tundra. Don't call me again.


7. Nevermind... I don't think there are any good ways to make money in Alaska


New Idea: Make Millions in Alaska by Building Large Bridges that Connect Uninhabited Islands With One Another.

Yep, this one should work, no polar bears in the way.
Here is how it works:
1. Find the most remote region of Alaska that you can.
2. Now, make up an island that is somewhere near this remote area
3. Tell everyone that this made up island is really important for U.S. interests
4. Get paid like $300 million for building a bridge to it.
5. Sarah Palin becomes governor
6. Sarah Palin declares herself a "maverick" and shortly thereafter resigns as governor

**howtomakeadollar is curious what kind of animal this polar bear is eating. It is our belief that it is a walrus, but it really could be anything. Does anyone from Alaska have any insight on this?

the end

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Google Analytics

Google offers some great features to enhance the effectiveness of your blog.  One of those features is Google Analytics.  It is a feature that tells you who comes to your blog, where they are from, how long they stay and what they look at while they are there.

We have noticed lately that whenever we blog about a specific place, people from that place tend to show up and read our blog.  When we blogged about Nauru, people from Nauru came to our site (and left a nice little comment).  When we blogged about Luxembourg, people from Luxembourg came to our site.

As you can see from the map below (a screen shot from our Google Analytics account), people from most of the U.S. have visited our site... but not someone from every state.  We are going to try and change this.  Keep your eye out for posts about how to make money in states that have not visited our site yet.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Valentine's day is less than two weeks away!  Chances are you have not gotten a gift or even thought about getting a gift for your significant other.  And you probably forgot about their birthday and your last three anniversaries.  Don't let it happen again!

It's a good thing you came to Howtomakeadollar... because we have a solution for you!  Take advantage of our new "SHOW YOUR LOVE" feature.  Email us and let us do the work for you!  If you pay us a low, low price of $1 we will display a blog on the specified day (i.e. Valentine's day or any other day you like) telling your significant other (or potential significant other) how much you love them!

We specialize in writing poetry and haiku's.  So email us and let us know when and how you would like to make your special someone feel special and we will do the rest!

What your $1 will get you:
-Blog dedicated to the person of your choice on your chosen day
-Poem, Haiku, sweet sonnet about how much you love the person of your choice
 (may feature picture or youtube singing telegram)
-Email to the person of your choice letting them know they are loved
-Facebook message and/or wall post to the person of your choice
-Tweet about your love to the person of your choice
-Extreme jealousy from everyone who didn't buy a SHOW YOUR LOVE post
-Love and gratitude for at least a week!

CAUTION: If you know your significant other has read this blog... you are now under EXTREME OBLIGATION to buy a SHOW YOUR LOVE post for their birthday, anniversary, presidents day, groundhog day, half birthday, first grade teachers birthday, and "a just because I love you so much" day.  If you don't buy at least one SHOW YOUR LOVE post for any of the above mentioned days your significant other will know your love for them is worth less than $1.

Don't let this happen to you!

Monday, February 1, 2010

How to Make Money by Getting Rid of Evidence

Evidence disposal is the type of business that can get you a lot of money really fast, but is unlikely to be very steady unless you know the right people.

Fortunately for you, Howtomakeadollar does know such people.
1. Go to a big city
2. Go to a subway station in a bad part of town*
3. Wait around until well after midnight
4. Soon you will see some thugs fleeing the scene of a crime.
5. Approach them
6. Offer to get rid of the evidence for a dollar
7. Make sure they do not shoot you
8. Take the evidence and throw it in a lake. If the evidence can swim, you may have a difficult time, but you should be able to manage.
9. If the evidence looks like something that someone might want, you can feel free to try to sell it somewhere.

This is a feel-good business strategy in which both parties go away feeling good about themselves. You get an easy dollar; the thugs don't have to worry about being held accountable for their crimes. Everybody wins.

*Pretty much all subway stations are located in bad parts of town

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