Bacon Prices on the Rise

A few weeks ago Howtomakeadollar wrote that the world's best business idea would be a bacon delivery truck that drives around playing bacon-themed music and selling fresh, sizzling bacon. No one has disputed this claim, and it is unlikely that anyone ever will, because bacon is awesome. You can read the original blog here.

Well, just to demonstrate my point, bacon prices are now about 50% higher than they were last summer. For real. This is a news item in the Wall Street Journal. Read about it here. This means that you'd be looking at major profits right now if you had taken our advice in starting a bacon business.

Now think about this in terms of the broader economy. Bacon profits are way up. Meanwhile, cars, houses, banks, and newspapers are down. These are supposed to be some of the strongest, most reliable long term industries in the world. Here is a chart that shows what would happen if you invested money in bacon vs the rest of the market over the past year.

Bacon is going through the roof!

Rainbow Bacon

A few days ago we said that the world's best business idea is bacon. You can read about that here. Well it seems that some guy has taken our advice and is doing some groundbreaking things with bacon. Truly groundbreaking. Bacon, I'm sure you know, has remained fundamentally the same for thousands of years. UNTIL NOW.

Rainbow Bacon. Look upon it you mighty ones and despair, for great is its splendor and many are its colors.

Yes, Bacon Today* has reported a new development in bacon technology. A truly revolutionary development. It is called Rainbow Bacon. It is bacon in many colors. It is wholesome goodness in rainbow format. It is crunchy, chewy, salty meat candy with artificial coloring, and I presume that the green strips are good for you. Now if he would only get a big van full of bacon and drive around like an ice cream truck.

*Not a joke. Bacon Today is a real website. Their slogan is "Daily updates on the world of sweet, sweet bacon."

Make money by making those rubber strips that go around your refrigerator door

You know what that little rubber liner thingee that goes around your refrigerator door is called? Its called a gasket. As in the sentence "Jack has a gasket." You want to know what it does? It makes your refrigerator work. Without that rubber gasket in there the door will not shut, and all the little cold particles that make stuff get cold will come tumbling out all over the place. Not only that, but in the absence of all the little cold particles, little hot particles will appear, transforming your fridge into a 70 degree box of lukewarm leftovers that stink up the whole kitchen. This is how refrigerators work.

Here is a picture of some guy pointing at a refrigerator gasket

Even if you do have a gasket, but the gasket has a tear in it from the time you slammed it on a cat or maybe it just got a tear for ABSOLUTELY NO STINKING REASON WHATSOEVER. Well, in that case, the fridge will just run all day long, and all the little cold particles will all sneak right out that little tear and invite all the hot particles in. Not only that, but a whole bunch of condensation will accumulate all over the place and drip on the floor under the fridge. Condensation is a kind of water that appears for no good reason in places that water has no business being and makes stuff all wet that shouldn't get wet. Condensation that comes out of your fridge will usually smell like sweet and sour sauce and eggs. It will accumulate under the fridge and bond with all the little things that live under your fridge. If you have never rolled your fridge out to see what was under it, you need to do so right now. You will be astonished and terrified, like those guys who chase tornados around Kansas and then turn around and run away screaming like little girls as soon as they find one. After hours of building up under there, it will suddenly start to gush out from under the fridge like a busted oil rig, only smellier and with mouse turds floating in it. If you aren't paying attention you will step in it barefoot and it will be cold and you will make a little "yip" noise that makes you sound like a girl. If you are a girl you will make the same noise and then yell at the nearest man to come over and fix it.

Well, what do you do then? You go to Home Depot. Do not go to Lowes. Lowes is the worst place you could ever go. Death Valley is a lot like Lowes, only there aren't little birds flying around in Death Vally taking dumps on the merchandise, and there are no teenage girls with pink nose piercings and dyed black hair working in customer service. Also, its called Death Valley, so you know what you are getting into when you go there.

So, if you go to Home Depot, they will give you a phone number that you can call. You call that number, and some guy will ask you what the number on your fridge door is. You probably never noticed this number before, but there is a big number right on the inside of your door. It doesn't make any difference what brand your fridge is. It doesn't make any difference where you bought it. Maybe its an out-of-business off-brand made in the Weimar Republic by a bunch of Prussian serfs. Maybe you found it in a landfill outside of Vladivostok. Doesn't make any difference. That number will be there, and the guy at the phone number will have a brand new gasket on hand, sized exactly for your made-up refrigerator. He will mail it to you for $100.

He can charge any amount he wants to because he is the only guy in the world who is in the aftermarket refrigerator gasket business. When his first grade teacher asked the class what they wanted to do when they grew up, everyone said they wanted to be athletes and pilots and CIA agents. Not this guy. This guy said he wanted to get into the refrigerator gasket industry. He has no competition, he goes on vacation whenever he wants, and he has a summer home in Vale. His wife is a Tahitian masseuse. He has panda bacon delivered to his house for breakfast.

The best business idea ever and a nutritious breakfast

You know what the people want? Bacon.
The only thing the people want more than bacon is more bacon.

Are you achin' for some bacon? I know I am.
bacon bacon bacon bacon.

You know what else the people want? No? Me neither. The people want bacon, and thats pretty much all you'll ever get them to agree on. So why bother trying any other kind of business? What you need to do is start a bacon business. The best business idea in the world is bacon.

There are many ways of running a bacon business. One basic way of doing it would be a bacon stand. People set up hot dog stands all over the place, and they do pretty good business, but you know what's better than hot dogs? Bacon.

One step above a bacon stand would be a bacon restaurant. Just a regular restaurant like all the other ones people go to. The only difference is that you just serve bacon. And maybe some chocolate milk or something to drink. Think about it. How many days in the past week have you been sitting around with your friends and someone says "lets go get a bunch of bacon." Probably at least seven or eight right?

But you know what's better than a bacon restaurant? Bacon on wheels. You need to get a bacon van. Just get a big van and load it up with bacon. Then drive around town playing bacon-themed music. I guarantee you will have more customers that you can handle. You will be passing out bacon hand over fist, and making money even faster. The people will come to you. The people will run to you. 

Bacon is like the cowbell. You can never have enough of it.