Mother Mary Food

I'm sure you've heard about appearances of Mary (the mother of Jesus) in various items. I remember hearing about Mary appearing in people's french fries, mold spores on a window, and pepperoni pizzas. There is a whole Wikipedia page dedicated to this phenomenon. Usually when you hear about this kind of thing you probably shrug it off and forget about it. Fortunately for you, Howtomakeadollar never forgets anything, and we actually specialize in all things related to mold spores, french fries, and pizza. With our excellent memories, strong practical reasoning, and opportunistic cooking skills, we've stumbled upon a fantastic money-making opportunity for Mary enthusiasts.

You see, Mary appearances can be extremely valuable. In 2004 a woman found Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich and sold it for $28,000 on Ebay. 

Now before we explain how you can get in on this racket, you need to ask yourself some serious, soul searching questions. First of all, is it ok to eat Mary? Are you blessed if you eat the Mary pizza? Are you cursed? If you don't eat it, then what do you do with it? Do you hang it on the wall? What if you eat part of it and then hang the leftovers on the wall? These are the decisions you must make if you are a true Mary enthusiast. 

Personally, as a frequent eater of pizza, grilled cheese, and french fries, I'm about 50% sure that you are most blessed if you eat Mary. If she appeared in your food then I take that as a green light. If she appears as mildew on your window, that is probably a sign that your window is dirty. 

Now, how can you make money off the Mary phenomena?

Make Money by Eating Lots of Mary Food

Business Description: People travel all around the world to see Mary appearances. As I mentioned above, someone paid $28,000 for a partly eaten Mary sandwich. Obviously these people are on to something. Mary food provides major blessings. If you want your business to be blessed, then you need to get lots of Mary food and eat it. If eating it doesn't work then you need to get even more Mary food and hang it on your wall. The more Mary food you have, the more you will be blessed. Its very simple.

"I like what you're saying, but where can I get lots of Mary food?"

Glad you asked.

You can buy it from Howtomakeadollar. We will gladly sell you Mary toast, Mary pancakes, and Mary sandwiches for a dollar. One of our contributors is pretty sure he can procure some Mary waffles too. However, these are more expensive because of the difficult waffle market.

"This sounds completely reasonable to me. Can I see photos of the Mary food before paying for it?"

No.

"Well, alright... This seems like a very trustworthy and reputable website. How do I order a dozen?"

Email us at Howtomakeadollar@gmail.com

Another way to make money off this:
Sell toasters or frying pans that are manipulated in a way that causes them to look like Mary. Of course, these won't be "real" images of Mary because they are artificially created, and if people are buying your toasters, then presumably they are aware of this. So if you make these toasters, you may as well offer all kinds of images on them. My suggestions are Mary, Che Guevara, and maybe Abe Lincoln. I think the irony of having Lincoln on one side and Guevara on the other would be ironic enough to sell a lot of these. Mary, of course, should stand alone on her toast. I think there are other good images you could use as well.

How To Make Money At Christmastime (Supplemented)

A few more ways to make money around Christmas:

1.  Sal's vacation Army
This idea involves tapping into the Pavlovian urge to toss change into a red bucket at the sound of a bell around Christmastime.

1.  Dress up as Santa
2.  Buy a red cauldron (a bucket may work, but for best results use a cauldron, preferably with hanger)
3.  Buy a bell
4.  Position yourself outside of a popular store with said cauldron and bell.  You may wish to seek out a different entrance than the Salvation Army volunteer who is most likely stationed at the main entrance.
5.  Ring the bell vigorously.  Most people should not notice that you are not affiliated with Salvation Army in any way, but just in case, you could attach a sign to your cauldron that says "For Sal's vacation Army", with the "S" and "Army" in larger font.  This may fool the rest.
6.  Learn to live with the guilt.

2.  Post-Christmas Resale
You have most likely received a moderate to above-moderate amount of free things recently.  Some people call them gifts.  I like to think of them as opportunities to make money.  Immediately sell all of these "gifts" on ebay for maximum profit.

3.  Recycled Wrapping Paper
There is a segment of the population that actively looks to purchase things that are recycled, and another segment that loves finding bargains on Christmas items after Christmas.  Where these two segments intersect, you can find a profit.
1. Save a few empty cardboard wrapping paper rolls.
2. Gently unwrap any gifts you receive and keep the wrapping paper.  To maximize the amount of reusable paper, you could also offer (demand) to unwrap everyone else's gifts as well.
3.  Roll the used wrapping paper back onto the empty cardboard rolls.  You can combine different sizes and types of wrapping paper onto the same roll.  Secure the roll with a few rubber bands, tape, or even some used ribbon for extra flair.
4.  Sell the rolls to an environmentally conscious vendor.  Or sell them yourself from a cart outside of Target.
5.  For variation you could make a few rolls using paper that was completely trashed when the gifts were opened.  These you can sell for half price.

10 Ways to Make Money at Christmastime*

*Contains only four actual ideas


There are lots of ways to make money at Christmastime. In fact, that is what the holiday is all about! It is a holiday that is based on and dependent on commercialization. Thats the meaning of Christmas. So if you aren't making loads of money off Christmas, you are probably one of the dupes who is spending it. Don't be a dupe.

As with everything else on this blog, some of these ideas are kind of good, others are not.

Business Ideas

1. Plastic Junk With Santa on It: 
 1. Find someone on Facebook who looks like they are from Taiwan or the Philippines.
 2. Friend them.
 3. Ask them to mass produce about 10,000 cheap plastic items with a picture of Santa Claus on them. These  items can be anything from napkins to mud flaps to frisbees. Most people in Taiwan or the Philippines should have no trouble filling this order.
 4. If you are feeling particularly cynical you can have a picture of baby Jesus instead of Santa.
 5. Once the shipment arrives, sell everything to Wal-Mart.

2. Christmas Tree Removal
 1. Go around after Christmas and offer to take people's Christmas trees for a dollar
 2. Put all the trees in a big pile in the middle of a field. This pile should be enormous, with at least 50 trees in it.
 3. Soak the trees with gasoline
 4. Advertise a big Christmas tree bonfire on New Years Eve
 5. Sell tickets to the event
 6. Sell hot chocolate
 7. Set the trees on fire at midnight
 8. Optional: Put a few loud firecrackers in the middle of the pile of trees so that it makes cool noises and pops lots of big sparks.

3. Gift flipping
 1. Figure out which electronic gadgets are likely to be in high demand at Christmas
 2. Buy as many of them as possible
 3. Sell them on Ebay for more than you bought them for
Side Note: A friend of mine bought two Nintendo Wii's a few years ago when they were new. He sold one on Ebay on Dec. 20 for $603, and sold another on Dec. 23 for over $800. They had cost him about $250 each.

4. Following FedEx trucks around
 1. Drive around until you see a FedEx or UPS truck
 2. Follow it
 3. Do not look suspicious
 4. Wait until the driver stops and leaves a box on someone's porch
 5. Wait until the driver drives away
 6. Run over to the porch and grab whatever they left
 7. Open  it up and see what it is. It is probably one of five things: A power tool, An electronic gadget, Jewelry, A bag of mixed nuts, A cheap plastic thing with Santa on it.
8. Take it home and sell it
Side note: This is actually a pretty big problem at Christmas, so if you are expecting a delivery, you should try to be home when it arrives, or you should leave instructions for the driver to put it somewhere that is not visible from the street.