Make Money at the World Cup

The World Cup, for those who haven't heard, is some sort of international sporting event involving a game called "soccer." To my knowledge there are no actual cups involved in the World Cup, so you will have to bring your own or borrow some from a friend. The winner of the tournament is awarded with a trophy made out of about 10 pounds of solid gold, which would be worth about $200,000 on the open market. So there is strong incentive to win. More on this in a moment.

Aside from this piece of gold, there are also international privileges. I believe the winning nation gets a free pass on all terrorist attacks for the next four years. This is why the U.S. keeps getting attacked despite being awesome, and it explains why Italy never does, despite sucking.

The World Cup is currently being held in South Africa, which, I believe, is located somewhere in southern Africa, about seven gazillion miles from the nearest participating World Cup nation. This location was chosen for a wide variety of strategic reasons which benefit the whole continent.

First, the location requires all teams and spectators to fly over the entire African continent to get there. This involves flying over Sudan, where most airplanes are shot down and converted into machetes and landmines. This is important because Sudan is the world's leading consumer of these items, and it forces participants to toughen up. It also reduces congestion at Africa's airport, when it is operational. Those who choose to avoid flying over Africa generally choose to travel by cruise ship. This also benefits Africa because a certain segment of the shipping industry is the leading source of GDP for Somalia.

Furthermore, South Africa has the highest violent crime rate in the entire world, which is important because soccer matches frequently cause dangerous riots, and the South Africans will be very good at these. Additionally, South Africa is probably best known for its rampant, entrenched racism, and we all know that no good riot is complete without an element of racism. The fact that South Africa has more than twice as many people with AIDS than any other country in the world should only serve to make these riots more interesting.

As far as the actual sport goes, soccer looks pretty easy. Most of the time the winning team will only score like one or two goals, so you really don't have to be very good to win. Not only that, but all the players seem unwilling, or unable to use their hands. Its like someone gave a ball to a bunch of Irish river dancers and told them to go run amok. I think if you dispensed with all this nonsense and just grabbed the ball and ran you would easily score enough goals to win.

So, if you are a strapping young person out to seek your fortune, and you aren't afraid of dying miserably from a half dozen different causes, then head to South Africa to win the World Cup and make money.

How to Make Money By Organizing Races

Business Idea: Organize local races and competitions

Business Description: Every summer you will see signs advertising some sort of race, usually it is a 5k or a marathon. Most of these races require contestants to pay an entrance fee of $15 to $50. Yes, thats right. People pay money to run even though they can run for free whenever they want to. All you have to do is plan some sort of course. I recommend a 5k, which is just over three miles. You should pick a somewhat scenic route, and you will probably have to get permission from your town. Once you get permission, just give the race a name and market it.

Business Expenses: Your town may make you pay some sort of fee to run on the course. Your other costs will be advertising, giveaways, (you should provide snacks, Gatorade, and T-shirts to your runners) and prizes.

Business Logistics: You will have to start work on this at least a year before your target race date because there are several steps, and all of them can take significant time. The more time you have to market your race, the more contestants you will get. Start by mapping out a scenic course through a local historic area or park. Once you have a good course in mind, go to the local authorities and ask for a permit. Pay whatever fee they charge, as long as its reasonable, like $100 or less. Then go find local businesses who will sponsor the event. To entice sponsors, you should offer to put an ad for the company on the back of the t-shirts you give out. Once you've collected enough money from your sponsors to pay for your expenses, you should start advertising. Put signs on nearby street corners, post bills on any kind of public bulletin board, and put an ad in the local paper. If possible, write an article for the paper. Get a free website that provides all the information. You should give your race a memorable name. The registration fee should easily pay for the t-shirts, and you should be able to pocket about $10 per runner. On  the morning of the race make sure the course is well marked, make sure there are tables full of snacks and drinks, and prizes. There should be age groups, and prizes for the top three finishers in each age group. I recommend participating in a few races before you actually host your own. These races get more and more popular every year, so make it a regular event.

Related Business Ideas: Triathlons, Wife Carrying Contests, Polar Bear Clubs

Business Risks: If you don't get enough contestants to cover your costs, you could lose big time. Try to spread out the risk by getting local business to partner with you.

Feasibility Quotient: 74