How to Make Billions of Dollars Without Paying any Taxes

Some jerk who I have never associated with, and who is not in any way associated with any of the prestigious people who contribute to the Howtomakeadollar cause, recently wrote an article which claims that labor unions pay no taxes in the United States. The jerk face clown author who I do not know says they are tax exempt 501(c)5 organizations and don't have to pay taxes. I don't personally believe it, simply because the government is ALWAYS trying to tax people more, and there is no way in the world they would let a whole category of organizations avoid taxes. You can read the no good bogus terrible piece of garbage racist war mongering thing by clicking on this wretched link.

Especially since they are so rich. Labor unions bring in billions of dollars every year, so I am absolutely certain that the government must be taxing them out the nose, because the government has spent the past three and a half years talking about taxing the rich and so on. Well, if labor unions have so much money, then they must certainly be paying high taxes, so I don't believe whoever the guy was who said they don't pay any taxes.

He also says they are allowed to monopolize entire sectors of the economy. No way that is true. Monopolies and trusts are bad. Then he said they are allowed to threaten and intimidate people without being prosecuted. That can't be true either.

So anyway, if you want to make billions of dollars without paying taxes on it, I don't know what to tell you. That is illegal in the United States. Only a corrupt place like Russia or China would allow something like that to happen, so move there.

A good way to make billions, though, whether taxed or not, would be to create an organization that takes money directly out of people's pay checks, and tells them that their business executives are evil and will stop paying them altogether, and you are only taking a small cut of the people's pay, and they should thank you for your great work. That would probably make you a couple bill.

Make Money By Selling Something That You Didn't Create

This idea has limitless potential.  I'm going to share a few examples.

1. Repackage someone else's creation

 

Who wrote the song "Old MacDonald Had A Farm"?  I'm fairly certain it wasn't Salina Yoon.  But yet, she can make money selling a book that solely contains the words to a song she didn't write.  Also see, "Wheels on the Bus", "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider", and other various nursery rhymes and fairy tales.

2.  "Enhance" someone else's creation

Most people would agree that Jane Austen novels are ok, but are missing something that they can't quite put a finger on.  Well that something is zombies.  Or sea monsters.  Or mummies.  The point is, apparently you can take a classic work of literature, add a few lines of your own, and have reputable book-mongers stock your "creation".  Or even get a movie deal!  There are plenty of classic works to choose from, but if your brain flushed whatever you may have learned from high school English class to free up space to think about twitter, here's a head start:

Moby Dick - Replace the original protagonist with Moby, the international electronic music sensation
Crime and Punishment - The crime:  adultery.  The punishment:  a scarlet letter.  Sound familiar?  Just change the title of The Scarlet Letter and no one will know the difference
1984 - Instead of totalitarianism, link the popular culture from the '80s to the demise of mankind
A Tale of Two Cities - Make this one about a young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk
Jane Eyre - No need to change anything here.  Nobody really reads this book, but yet many own it anyway.

3.  Claim someone else's creation as your own

This is alternately called plagiarism, forgery, and theft and is mostly frowned upon.  Somehow different from the first two options and can land you in jail.

Make Money by Getting one of those cool texting donation numbers

You've probably seen ads for donating money to the Red Cross. Just text "HAITI" to 90999, and somehow the Red Cross gets 10 dollars. I have no idea how this works. All I know is that an easy way to make money would be to change your phone number to 90998, and hope lots of people misdial.

Make Money By Saying Good Things About Bad Movies

Have you ever noticed that movie posters\ads usually have flattering quotes on them declaring what amazing movies they are?  You know, like "A Triumph!", "A Masterpiece!", or "This is a ... movie".  Of course you have, you're very observant.  Well, many of these movies do not deserve these accolades, and some of them surely struggle to get anyone to say anything nice about them whatsoever.  This is where you can step in.  Watch the movie*, come up with something nice to say about it like "I can't wait to see this again" or "It did not make me fall asleep", and call whoever is in charge of collecting these quotes.  This is where you're going to have to do a little research because I don't know who you're going to need to contact.  But you could stand to show a little more initiative.  When they ask who you are and why they should use your quote for their movie, tell them either you represent the voice to the movie-going public, or that you work for a newspaper such as the Harristown Post-Review.  They may not check up on you.  If they fall for this, have them pay you.  It really doesn't matter how much they pay you since you didn't do much work anyway.  You're welcome.

* You do not actually have to watch the movie.  Presumably, many of the people who actually provide quotes for these movies do not.

How to Make Money By Having a Child

Business Name: The Diseased Children's Fund
Business Plan:
1. Find a baby
2. Adopt the baby. If you are unable to adopt a baby, you can try to make your own, but this is not recommended
3. Name the baby "Charity" if it is a girl
4. Name him "The Diseased Children's Fund" if it is a boy
5. Set up various fund raising events for "The Diseased Children's Fund."
6. Keep the funds for yourself