How to Make Billions of Dollars Without Paying any Taxes

Some jerk who I have never associated with, and who is not in any way associated with any of the prestigious people who contribute to the Howtomakeadollar cause, recently wrote an article which claims that labor unions pay no taxes in the United States. The jerk face clown author who I do not know says they are tax exempt 501(c)5 organizations and don't have to pay taxes. I don't personally believe it, simply because the government is ALWAYS trying to tax people more, and there is no way in the world they would let a whole category of organizations avoid taxes. You can read the no good bogus terrible piece of garbage racist war mongering thing by clicking on this wretched link.

Especially since they are so rich. Labor unions bring in billions of dollars every year, so I am absolutely certain that the government must be taxing them out the nose, because the government has spent the past three and a half years talking about taxing the rich and so on. Well, if labor unions have so much money, then they must certainly be paying high taxes, so I don't believe whoever the guy was who said they don't pay any taxes.

He also says they are allowed to monopolize entire sectors of the economy. No way that is true. Monopolies and trusts are bad. Then he said they are allowed to threaten and intimidate people without being prosecuted. That can't be true either.

So anyway, if you want to make billions of dollars without paying taxes on it, I don't know what to tell you. That is illegal in the United States. Only a corrupt place like Russia or China would allow something like that to happen, so move there.

A good way to make billions, though, whether taxed or not, would be to create an organization that takes money directly out of people's pay checks, and tells them that their business executives are evil and will stop paying them altogether, and you are only taking a small cut of the people's pay, and they should thank you for your great work. That would probably make you a couple bill.

How to Cash in Your Nickel Collection

To make sense of this blog, you need to read the previous blogs we've written about nickels. First, we predicted nickel prices would go up, and they did. Second, we clued you in to it and told you to get to work on your nickel collection. 

The obvious question at this point is how to cash in your nickels. There are several ways.

1. The Illegal Way
It is illegal to melt U.S. coinage. However, in the future, its always possible that this law will be overturned. If metal prices ever go totally through the roof, like 25 cents for the metal in a nickel, then the government will surely overturn this law in order to increase the metal supply and reduce prices. So just keep your nickels until the law is overturned. Or, alternatively, you could just break the law and melt them yourself. I recommend putting them in your car and parking in the sun. That will probably melt them, but I don't really know how to go about cleaning them up later. Thats on you to figure out. The criminal mind will probably find a way.

2. By Exporting Them
Another way to make money off nickels would be to export them to a country that doesn't care about U.S. laws, such as China or Venezuela.  If you can find a way to get them to China without paying high shipping costs, this would work.

3. By Waiting for the Inevitable
My guess is the Treasury will eventually start making nickels out of something cheaper such as zinc or aluminum. Look for it in the news, because it will probably happen sometime in the next year or two as inflation keeps increasing. Once the new cheap nickels are in circulation, the price of the originals will go up all the higher as collectors, melters, and weirdos like me start hoarding them all. They will also get bought up by China and other places that will melt them freely. This is your chance to sell them off to people who want them.

4. By Waiting for THE FINANCIAL CRISIS THAT ENDS ALL FINANCIAL CRISES
If inflation gets too far out of control, the Federal Reserve will take the drastic step of hacking off zeros from all our bank accounts. Like I said, its a drastic step. However, if inflation really does go out of control, lopping off zeros is the only widely accepted solution, and its been done many times in the recent past. Brazil hacked off three zeros in 1994 and again in 1998. Zimbabwe lost three zeros in 2006. Israel knocked off 3 zeros in 1985. Turkey lost six zeros in 2004.  Like I said, its extremely drastic, but it is the widely accepted way of handling runaway hyperinflation. By "hacking off zeros," I mean dividing the value of paper money by 10, 100, or 1000 times. Inflation would have to increase significantly in order to warrant this kind of trick in the U.S., but in just the past 20 years a gallon of gas has gone from under $1 to around $3, and movie tickets have gone from under $5 to over 10. Don't even get me started on baseball tickets. So you can see that eventually such a step might be conceivable.

If this happens, there would be a mandatory trade-in of all currency. However, in the examples above, only the paper currency is revalued, leaving coinage intact.  Its much easier to demonetize your bank account electronically than to visit your house and hunt down your piggy bank. The government just assumes that people don't have more than a few pocketfuls of coins, so they leave you alone. Some freak with a basement full of nickels would get off pretty well in this situation. This has the effect of multiplying the value of coins while dividing the value of paper money. Your $10,000 savings account might only be worth $1,000 or $100, or 10, but your nickel would then be worth 50 cents, or $5 dollars, or $50. It sounds far fetched and drastic, but like I pointed out above, its happened several times in recent history, and there is no fundamental reason why it couldn't happen in the U.S. If such a thing happens, your $1,000 nickel collection would be worth $10,000, $100,000 or $1,000,000. If it gets as bad as Turkey, with six zeros being divided off, your $1,000 nickels would be worth $1,000,000,000. Yep, a billion.  If it does happen, you can cash in simply by spending your coins as money like you currently do. The only difference is they would be worth 10 or 100 or 1000 times more. Then you can tell your grandkids about how you used to buy "penny candy" and get a haircut for 10 cents, like your grandparents tell you. Economics works in cycles.

Again, let me say that this is an extremely unlikely scenario. First, inflation would have to go up massively before the Fed would even consider this. Second, the Fed would have to have the backbone to actually lop off everyone's bank accounts. The first step is somewhat conceivable, but the Fed growing a backbone is not.

Please Do Not Implicate Me in Court if Your Stock Trading Scam Gets You Arrested

 A long time ago, Howtomakeadollar suggested making money by tinkering with financial markets and stock exchanges until a financial bubble forms and lots of money comes out.

Today, a guy in France named Jerome Kerviel who followed our advice got slapped with a fine of $6.7 billion.  Apparently it is illegal to create a massive framework of fictitious stock trades in order to inflate an artificial financial bubble across the entire European financial market. Who knew? Those silly Euroweenies are always regulating everything right when it starts getting fun.

Kerviel makes approximately $3,150.00 per month as a computer consultant, so according to this yahoo news story, it will take him 177,536 years to pay back his fine. That pretty much means he's never going to pay it, and every cent he earns will be automatically deducted into his fine.

That means he has zero incentive to work, which means he will be collecting welfare for the rest of his life, which means that a computer consultant and financial genius is going to stop working and start collecting welfare, and the European Union is going to have to eat its own fine. Kind of a weird situation. Here's hoping we don't get implicated in any of it.

Avoid Refinancing Scams!

A few weeks ago Howtomakeadollar wrote a blog about how you can save money by refinancing your home mortgage. This is still true. In fact, interest rates are slightly lower now than they were then, so if you haven't refinanced yet, you really should do so immediately. Read the original blog here. Howtomakeadollar is now saving $557 per month because we refinanced a house. Thats major money.

But you shouldn't just refinance with the first lender that sends you junk mail. Lots of these lenders are identity scams. For example, lots of people will watch realtor websites for homes that have recently been sold. Once they get the address, they will send an official looking letter to the address, and give themselves a respectable name like "American Mortgage Group Inc.*" and they will urge you to refinance. They will offer some kind of interest rate that looks believable, but is lower than the current going rate. 

The refinance process involves a lot of paperwork, including your social security no, your birthday, your W-2 forms, and all that stuff. So if you respond to the advertisement, they will ask you  for this info. Once you send it to them, they are gone, and they have your identity. Its a really simple scam, and its nearly impossible to detect because all loans require this info from you.

You will probably also get similar offers through email. You can't really look them up online either, because its pretty easy to set up a respectable website online. As soon as the name they are using starts getting associated with scams, they will just change the name. So its virtually impossible to tell the legitimate lenders from the scammers. Just go with a respected lender thats been around for a while. If you've heard of them, they are probably legit.

*I have no idea if "American Mortgage Group Inc." is a real company. I made it up. Hopefully I don't get sued for defamation. My point is that scammers will use very normal and believable names.

Get a Better Job and Better Pay by Enhancing Your Resume

I'm sure you have heard that unemployment is getting to be a pretty big problem around the world. Everybody seems to have a solution for how to solve it, but so far none of the ideas have worked. Well, you've come to the right place, because Howtomakeadollar has a lot of experience at getting jobs using one simple trick.

Most people apply for jobs by sending a resume and cover letter to the company they want to work for. The problem with this technique is that most businesses get overwhelmed with resumes and it is hard to make yourself stand out from all the other people who are applying for the job. You need to make yourself look better than all of these people if you want to get a job. The best way to do this is to make stuff up. Let me explain

You probably think that making spelling and grammatical errors on your resume will hurt you. But this is not necessarily true. It all depends on what kinds of mistakes you make.

For example, lets say that the job you are looking for requires a Master of Business Administration (MBA) degree, but you don't have one. This is very simple. Just write "I have an MBA degree" on your resume. Is this a lie? No. Its a mistake. You meant to write "I don't have an MBA degree," but you messed up, and spell check didn't catch it. Spell check is useless. It never catches anything. Spell check is about as effective as a blind guy trying to drive a car at night. I don't know what difference it makes that its night time. Just forget I mentioned it. 

Howtomakeadollar can vouch that this is a reliable way to stand out from other job applicants, and is a good way to get a raise at your current job as well. If everybody in the country did this, the unemployment rate would go down to zero and everybody would have a job.

Make money by kidnapping things

Kidnapping can be a very lucrative business.  Howtomakeadollar does not support kidnapping people.  Well, actually thinking back on it... we have written a post on how to make money kidnapping a terrorist... so I take back my last statement.  Howtomakeadollar does support the kidnapping of people... at least terrorists.  The problem with most kidnappers is they expect too much in return for their business.  Seriously... do you really need $37,000,000 ransom?  No.

Howtomakeadollar's step by step kidnapping business plan:

1.  Kidnap something (objects are much easier to kidnap then people).  We recommend the object meets the following criteria: be of some value, absence of this item will be an inconvenience to the person it is taken from, easy to kidnap.  Examples of good items to kidnap: car keys, reading glasses, shoes, cell phones, tennis rackets, metal detectors.

2.  Inform the person their item has been kidnapped

3.  Ask Demand ransom.  This is the crucial step... do you ask for $37,000,000.   Ask for a reasonable number... say $1.  Most people will give you the dollar because they are really annoyed with you and want their item back... and well it is simply easier for them to give you $1 then to call the FBI to come investigate the kidnapping of their cell phone.

4.  Collect money

Make money by providing a quality product

Howtomakeadollar is not always the most ethical in our business practices and the claims we make.  But that's okay, because we have an Official Fact Check Guy and an Official Accountant to keep us straight (i.e. take the blame for all of our unscrupulous business practices).  If you are trying to be a good business person; however, howtomakeadollar feels it is important to sell a quality product.  Selling a quality product is a better business practice than selling a poor quality product.  Its true.

Howtomakeadollar is proud to announce that we create quality products!  We have a lot of people who hate us (you can see a list of them on the right column of our blog)... but we also have several people who like us because we produce a quality product.  The quality product I am referring to is our custom laptop sleeve protector.  Specifically our superman laptop sleeve protectors.

Here are some of the rave reviews...

"It's AWESOME!  Thanks." - Dustin B.

"This product was made for my husband and he is a very hard man to shop for...he is all about functionality. I thought the Superman logo would be cute since he was a fan of the comics as a child. I gave him the gift when he started a new job and he really liked it. He uses it allll the time and has made comments about how perfect it is in size. I didn't know it at the time but he was planning on investing in an expensive one from a computer store. Now he has one with sentimental value and is also completely functional." -Leila H.

"Hands down the coolest think I have ever seen in my entire life!" -Andrew G.

So if you want to be successful selling a product, the key is to make a good product.  If you would like to order your own super high quality custom laptop sleeve protector, email us and we will start on it as soon as possible.  Please note that we currently have a slight backlog from all of our custom ipad sleeve protector orders that are coming in.  But your order is extremely important to us and will be processed in the order it was received.

Make Loads of Cash by Creating an Economic Bubble

Everyone knows about the housing bubble that burst sometime in 2008 and caused the major worldwide financial crisis that is more or less still ongoing. Most people still remember the dotcom bubble that built up during the late 1990s and then burst in 2000. Bubbles occur frequently in most economic systems, and cause significant economic growth for a few years before causing significant economic havoc for a few years. Kind of like teenagers. Because of the crash that always occurs after a bubble bursts, most people have come to regard bubbles as bad.

And bubbles are bad. But they don't have to be bad for everyone. The trick is to get in at the beginning of the bubble and then get out before it breaks. Most people understand this, but very few are very good at predicting where and when a bubble will occur. This is because most people try to ride the markets rather than trying to influence the markets.

But this kind of thing is actually easy to do. If you are good with computers you can swamp a stock exchange with automated bogus trades until the artificial trade volume is noticed by real day traders. These investors will then buy into the market, believing that the stock running up. You can control the price with your bogus trades until it reaches a point where you want to sell your real holdings. Then you drop the fictitious trades and move to a different stock, or sector. 

Its extremely illegal, but would be very difficult to track. Brokers who work at large financial institutions could very easily do it, and probably do.

But what if I'm not good with computers and automated trading?


You're in luck. Howtomakeadollar has a good solution for people like you.

1. Buy a major stock exchange such as NASDAQ or NYSE outright
     A. This may require a lot of up front cash, possibly as much as $100.00
     B. You may be able to get a used stock exchange off Craigslist for less, but you will have to shop


2. If you don't have enough up front cash to buy a stock exchange, you can start your own.
     A. The best way to create a stock exchange is to get a string of letters together that end in "EX" which is short for "exchange." Lets say you choose "FARTEX"
     B. Once you have chosen the name of your exchange you will need to do a bunch of other stuff that involves trading stocks and options and mutual funds. I don't know how to do any of this, but I think there are a bunch of unemployed finance people in New York who may be able to help you out.


3. Good. Now you have your own stock exchange. (This is not a real step per se, its just a good stopping point to look back on what you've accomplished so far. You are doing great)


4. Now you need to cause lots of people to buy certain kinds of stocks. Lets say you want to create a bubble in the mulch and wood chips industry.


5. Everytime someone buys or sells a mulch stock on FARTEX, you need to rig it so that the order goes through as a "buy," even if the client ordered a sell. The best way to do this is to create an automated trading system and then add a glitch. From my own personal experience in designing software I can tell you that I am one of the best people in the world at making glitches. If you need a good software glitch, my services are available. This will cause demand to go really high really fast, creating a mulch bubble.


6. Once the price gets to a certain ridiculously inflated amount, you should sell all of your mulch stocks. "What mulch stocks?" you ask. Well, to be honest, I forgot to add a step in which I told you to buy a bunch of mulch stocks for cheap. You will lose big if you forget this step. Maybe I should have mentioned this in step 3 instead of wasting it, or maybe there needs to be a new number between 3 and 4. Someone at the Federal Dept. of Numbers should be working on this.

7. Make sure your sell order goes through as an actual sell, not a buy. You will have to fix the glitch to do this.


8. Now you are rich, so you should be able to afford to buy a bunch of online poems for your family, friends, and spouses. I know a good place that sells these.

Make Money with Solar Panels

The government has all kinds of programs for people to "go green" by installing various energy saving and energy-producing devices on their houses.  These programs are called "going green" because you have to paint everything green. Don't ask me why this is. The reason some people are opposed to the green movement is because green does not match their outfit, and they feel that they should be free to have solar panels in Lavender-Lilac or Cucumber-Melon*.

*Cucumber Melon is indistinguishable from green for most people


In any case, aside from the color, the problem with solar panels is two-fold:
1. They do not produce much power
2. They do not produce any power at night or when covered in snow

However, a company in Spain recently found a way to avoid both of these problems, and its pretty easy.

Step 1: Get a solar panel
Step 2: Get a gas generator
Step 3: Connect a bunch of wires to the generator in such a way as to cause electricity to come out

Step 4: Put the generator right beside the solar panel so it looks like it is part of the solar panel.
Step 5: Turn generator on
Now you can have power at night time too, and the generator will produce more power than sunlight, so you can run all the other "green" energy companies out of business. Since you have solar panels, you are officially "green," and you can collect government stimulus money as well. Win-win.

Like I said, a company in Spain is already doing this, so its just a matter of time until it catches on in the U.S. The first company to start doing it will come out the best, so you need to start immediately. (Not joking, a real energy company is actually doing this, and collecting government incentive checks for "going green.")

Guest Blog No. 1: Celebrity Domain Names

A few weeks ago Howtomakeadollar announced that it would host its annual 2010 Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-off. We are pleased to report a very high turnout of guest bloggers. Each day we will post a new guest blog on this site. We will post the blogs in the order in which they were received, and all readers are free to vote in our poll on the right side of this page. The guest blogger who receives the most votes will win one dollar, and all the losers will have to post a link to Howtomakeadollar on their facebook page, and say something nice about the winner.

Guest blog 1: Celebrity Domains

No one likes their name slandered- in fact, it’s not even protected under free speech (don’t believe me? Google it). But, if your sense of self worth is low enough, or you’re just that desperate to make your first legit buck, you can try to sell celebrities their own domains back to them after you’re done dragging their names through the dirt.

Here’s how to do it:

Identify an upcoming celebrity/teeny bopper/politician. It’s important to make sure they don’t already have a website to their name. Let’s say, for example: Matt Damon.

Purchase the domain name. (in our case, www.mattdamon.com)

Proceed to post offensive material or take unpopular stances on any of the following historical tragedies (some tragedies referenced by guest blogger were deleted due to their grotesqueness):

Lincoln assassination
Pearl Harbor
Apartheid
Holocaust
Clint Howard never quite making it in the big time (darn you, world!)


The following tragedies are filed under “too soon”, but depending on personal preference, you may also use: (all tragedies referenced by the guest blogger have been deleted because they are all definetely "too soon")


Kick off your shoes- you can probably sit back and wait for Matt Damon’s reps to call, at which point you should demand a large sum of money paid to your estate for acquisition of the domain. (portion deleted because of extremely weird reference)

Now that you’ve officially cashed in, it’s time to learn to deal with the following repercussions:

A. A devastating blow to your karma, which may result in you being reincarnated as something other than human and probably a poisonous tree.


B. Officially joining the list of most admired professions, your rank will probably be near the following:

85314367. Dental Hygienist
85314368. Celebrity domain purchaser/seller backer
85314369. Publicist

C. Accepting the fact that you’ll be either killed by associates of the celebrity you’re blackmailing, or more likely, be forced to be on Judge Judy.  (Judge Judy added for comical relief as well as to take the place of another extremely weird reference).

Make money off the NCAA Basketball Tournament

You are probably aware that every March there is a major college basketball tournament of the top 64 college basketball teams in the U.S. I think this tournament is called "March Excitement" or something. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

But did you know that there are ways to make money off this tournament?

There are at least two.

1. Make money at the basketball tournament by selling tickets
You may have some Super Bowl tickets left over that no one bought. If so, just cross out where it says "Super Bowl" and then write "Basketball Tournament" on the ticket. You can sell these at the entrance of the basketball arena for a dollar or two. If you don't have any of these tickets, you can buy one from Howtomakeadollar for a dollar. Or you can just donate a dollar to us because you are nice.

If you want to see the original Super Bowl blog with other similar ideas for making money at sporting events, click here.

2. Make money at the basketball tournament by becoming a human advertisement.
   1. Get a tattoo of a major company tattooed on your butt. If you have a large butt, you can get more than one company name tattooed there. This will increase profits.
   2. Go to a basketball game
   3. Wait until no one is looking
   4. If you are wearing any clothes, take them off
   5. Run as fast as you can across the basketball court
   6. Steal the ball from whoever has it. This may be difficult because college basketball players are pretty athletic, but the fact that you are naked may work in your favor here.
   7. Dunk the ball. I see people do this all the time when I watch basketball, so it can't be very hard.
   8. Hang on the rim until officials remove you
   9. Someone at the company will give you a lot of money for advertising.*
If you tattoo "Howtomakeadollar" on your butt and successfully do this stunt, Howtomakeadollar will pay you a dollar, and will award you an honorary title such as "Count" or "Duke" or whatever title you want.

*A good friend of mine has assured me that 83% of all companies in the world will pay you money to do this stunt. He is working on his MBA right now, so I think he knows what he's talking about.






There is still an opportunity to submit a guest blog for Howtomakeadollar's 2010 Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-off competition. Winner gets cash. Losers get a fungal infection. See rules here. 

Make money by ratting on your friends to the IRS

You may not be aware, but every year the IRS offers a reward to anyone who provides them with information about a person who has evaded taxes. If you turn in someone for tax evasion the IRS will give you a reward of 10% of whatever amount the person owed. Usually this comes to several thousand dollars or more, but sometimes it is in the millions. You will need some basic information about the person, including their social security number. This is for real. You can download the official form here: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f211.pdf. Warning. This is a real IRS form, and may cause temporary insanity, blindness, and rage. 

There are several ways to cash in on this

1. Find a shady rich person who looks like he doesn't pay taxes. You can usually find this variety of rich person by buying drugs from people. If someone sells you drugs, get their first and last name, their social security number, and their address. Most drug dealers will gladly provide you with this information if you promise that you are not an undercover cop. Then run away and call the IRS. Important: Do not actually use the drugs that you bought. Drugs are bad for you.

2. Pick nine random numbers and add hyphens at a few places, such as 104-39-5301*. Then make up a name and an address, and send it to the IRS. If you do this a couple of times you will probably get someone who has actually evaded some of their taxes. Jackpot.

3. Evade your own taxes. Turn yourself in. Collect reward. This is probably the easiest way, and mathematically, I think you come out ahead.

4. Pick a person who you don't like, ask them for their social security number, and then tell the IRS that they have withheld a couple million in taxes. If you are very friendly with the IRS person, they will probably take your word for it and go ahead and send you the reward before verifying the info. Then they will audit the person, and you can send them taunting text messages from your beach house that you bought with the reward money. Double jackpot!

5. Report the IRS to the IRS. The IRS will then have to investigate itself for fraud. The resulting audit will probably take several decades to resolve itself, and in the meantime you won't have to pay any taxes, and no one else will either. Once it becomes known that you were the genius behind it, lots of people will send you money to thank you. You should forward this money to Howtomakeadollar. When the audit is finally over, you can collect 10% of the U.S. GDP as your reward. This should be enough money for you to buy a motorcycle and drive around the country for a while. Thats what I would do.

*104395301-- I'm pretty sure this is a prime number. If so, everyone on the Internet owes me a dollar. Official Fact Check Guy- Please verify.

Buy Pablo Picasso Signed original

In our research on how to make our own REAL money... we learned something that most people do not know.  Pablo Picasso was the original designer of the one dollar bill.  Luckily for all of our readers we found the last original one dollar bill signed by Pablo Picasso himself.

You can buy the last original one dollar bill signed by Pablo Picasso here for only $1 (plus $0.44 for shipping and handling).

Want to get famous and make money? Enter the 2010 Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-Off championship for a chance at fame and money. Official rules are here.

Nude Art

We here at howtomakeadollar are very much into the "arts".  As you can see here, here, and here.  Especially when the "arts" can give you an opportunity to make money.  Today, may we present to you just such an opportunity.

1.  Get naked.  Or nude.  However you prefer, just make sure you don't have any clothes on.
2.  Find someone who is painting.  Good places to check are scenic areas, art schools, and inside the homes of artists.
3.  Offer to be their nude model.  They should be willing to accept your offer when they see that you are already nude.  If you need to convince them, demonstrate a few or your "artistic" nude poses.  That should win them over.
4.  After they finish painting your nude portrait, ask them if you can see it.  When they hand it to you, take it and start running.  Since you have no clothes on, you will be able to run very fast. Thats why its called "streaking". If you run with clothes on, its called jogging. I think its obvious which way is faster. In fact, a bunch of running people have proven that you run faster naked.
5.  Find someone to buy the nude art.  This should be easy since everyone loves art and everyone loves nudity.  In fact, I expect an increase in traffic to this blog, just because I used the word "nude" a lot in this post.  It's a guaranteed way to have a successful blog.  Just like pictures and videos.

Related Business Idea:  If you can't find anyone painting, just find anyone.  Chances are when they see that you are nude, they will ask you to put clothes on.  (For some reason it's ok to be nude in great works of art, but not in public places).  Tell them you will re-robe for $8.  (You could try for higher, but in my experience, weirdly specific amounts like 8 or 11 work best).  Of course, the more offended the person is at seeing you naked, the more you can charge.  After you are out of sight, strip and repeat.

Have you heard about the 2010 Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-Off? This is a chance for you to get famous by submitting a guest blog to Howtomakeadollar. Our readers will vote, and the best guest blogger will receive a cash prize. Click here for the official rules. 

Make money by keeping secrets

Has anyone ever asked you to keep a secret?  Chances are the answer is yes.  Did you make any money off of it?  Chances are the answer is no.  That is unfortunate because you could have made at least $1 off of the situation.

Next time someone asks you "Can you keep a secret?" make sure you make money.  Here's how the conversation should go:

Some guy: "Can you keep a secret?"

You: "Of course I can... please tell me all of your secrets."

Some guy: "Cool... (insert secret here)"

You: "Thanks for telling me your secret... now you need to pay me $1 to ensure I will not tell everyone I know.  And an extra $1 to ensure I do not post it as my status update on Facebook."

Some guy:  "Cool... here's your money... and I'll throw in an extra $1 because you were so honest and up-front with me.  Thanks for being such a good friend."

Now that you have your $3... post a status update on your facebook page saying "I have a secret that (some guy) really does not want me to tell you.  I will tell the secret to the highest bidder."  Sell secret to highest bidder.... most likely it will be TMZ because they want to know all of the secrets in the whole world... no matter who the some guy is.



Have a good idea for making money? Howtomakeadollar is now hosting its annual Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-off. Email us your idea, and we will publish it on this website. If enough voters vote for it, you will win money and prestige, and people will say nice things about you. See here for all the official rules. 

Make money with your children

Howtomakeadollar is a very principled, ethical, and values-driven institution, and one of its primary beliefs is that you should get your children involved in entrepreneurship at an early age. Many people call this child labor, but don't worry. Its not.

We've already written a few blogs about ways to make money with your kids. You can read a few of them here and here. 

Now, starting with yesterday's blog, I want to show you a few more ways. First, you need to read yesterday's blog. You can do that by scrolling down below this blog.

Idea no. 1 for teaching your kids to make money: Make money

Idea No. 2 for teaching your kids to make money: Sell Lemonade

First of all, you need to know that selling lemonade is illegal without a license. However, I don't think you should worry about starting your kid on the path of crime. Most kids in my neighborhood commit several crimes everyday anyway, so you may as well teach them to profit from it. 

Secondly, you should know that traditional lemonade stands are money holes that will never make you rich. The cost of ingredients is simply too high. Howtomakeadollar has a better way

1. Get a ball that is yellow and looks kind of like a lemon. A tennis ball might work. Actual lemons are too expensive and will eat into your profits.

2. Tell your kid to write "LEMONADE 4 SALE" in big, uneven, kid letters on a big piece of paper. 

3. Get a pitcher of water and put it on a table beside the sign.

4. Put the tennis ball in the pitcher

5. Tell your kid to charge people $1 for a cup of lemonade.

6. Do not provide cups. People should use their own cup. This will save you the cost of those little plastic cups, which are prohibitively expensive. Despite the fact that plastic cups provide numerous environmental benefits,* we believe that their cost is the most important factor.

7. If people say that the lemonade is just water with a rubbery flavor, tell your kid to tell them to quit complaining and get off your yard.

8. Take profits from your child

*Pros and Cons of using plastic cups.

Pros:

- Plastic cups have been known to kill baby seals in the Arctic +10

- Plastic cups emit a powerful aroma when burned +1

- Smoke from burning plastic speeds ozone depletion +5

Total: +16

Cons: 

- Extremely expensive. Profit trumps all environmental concerns. +infinity

Total: +infinity

Infinity > 16

How to make $1 in 35 seconds

We have blogged previously about how to make $80 with a copy machine... the ONLY problem with that blog is that you need at least $1 to carry out the simple business plan.  For this idea, you don't need a REAL $1... just a PLAY $1.

Step by Step business plan:
1) Obtain PLAY $1 bill.  This should cost you significantly less than $1.  If it costs you more than $1 hopefully its signed by Pablo Picasso.

2) Locate on the PLAY $1 where it says PLAY

3) Cross out the word PLAY and replace it with the word REAL

4) Optional step: Color the money green (sometimes the PLAY money comes already green... in that case you have saved yourself at least 10 seconds off of the time it takes to execute this business plan)

5) Repeat steps 1 through 4

Simple and easy way to make one dollar!

Make Money By Going Missing

UPDATE:  Last week we wrote to inform our readers that one of our contributors had gone missing, and for various reasons, was presumed dead. We are somewhat relieved, and mildly pleased to report that he has now been found alive. Before continuing, you need to read the original missing person notice here.

He turned himself in for the $1 reward after reading about his disappearance on Howtomakeadollar. The $1 reward was offered specifically for information about his health and location. He confirmed his health by reporting that he was "not dead," but refused to give any specifics regarding his whereabouts, except for mumbling something incoherent about the border police in Namibia. Consequently, he was only able to obtain 50 cents of the reward, which is probably an accurate appraisal of his net worth.

We are kind of happy to welcome back his "unique" voice as a "contributor" to this blog.  However, the entire incident gave us yet another can't-miss money-making idea: Go missing, and when a reward is posted for information regarding your whereabouts, come forward yourself and claim the prize.  In order to have someone offer a reward when you go missing, you may need to commit a crime or have a loved one.  We have found that our readers generally fall into one of those two categories.  So chances are, you're good to go.  Missing, that is.

Related Business Ideas:  Have a bounty taken out for your head.  Then deliver your head.  You do still have it, don't you?  Or conversely, find someone else who goes missing and offers to give you $5000 if you find them.

Other related Business Idea for People who do not have Loved Ones, and are not suspected of Crimes:
1. Find a person who probably has loved ones
2. Convince the person to go for a ride in your car. You may need to use coercive techniques such as offering candy or a hot stock investment tip. Very few people can resist a good stock investment idea from a stranger. It is ideal if you can get them into your trunk, but this is not necessarily necessary.
3. Once they get in the car, drive away quickly. Make sure to have your tires squeal.
4. Soon there will be a reward offered for either the person in your car, or yourself, possibly both of you
5. Turn yourself in to the person offering the reward, along with the person in your car

Personally, I think this is different from kidnapping. Kidnappers are mean, scary, and dangerous. You are just a nice guy looking for some easy cash. HUGE difference.

Make Money by Selling Priceless Artwork Part 3

Chances are, if you have an Internet connection and are literate, that you've heard about our wildly popular blog posts about making money with art. If by some chance you have not read these wonderful masterpieces of wonder and wonderment, you can do so here. However, you may as well keep reading this post for now, since you are here.

Some people have very poor taste in art, and they may not appreciate your masterpiece. In fact, this is a good way to tell if you are a truly talented artist. Truly talented artists are never appreciated in their own lifetimes. Thats why Vincent Van Gogh and Claude Monet and Rembrandt* were so poor. No one knew they were any good until they died. So if people don't like your art, that means you're a very talented artist. The more they hate it, the better you should feel about yourself. 

*Does anyone know Rembrandt's first name? I think it was Marv, but I could be wrong.

One obvious way to get people to pay massive amounts of money for your art would be to die. However, dying is kind of permanent, and you may regret it later, like a bad tattoo.  Faking your death could be a good option, but I've tried it a few times, and something always seems to go wrong. Please email me if you have ever faked your own death and then went on to a successful career as an artist. I would really like some pointers. I promise I won't tell anyone you are alive.

The best way to make money from art during your own lifetime is to paint pictures and sign them "Pablo Picasso." People spend millions on paintings by Picasso, and yours would be no different.

Dude descending a staircase


THIS PRICELESS ARTWORK CAN BE YOURS FOR $1
(plus $.44 for shipping... sorry the artwork may come folded in an envelope*)
*a standard iron should take the creases right out

Tax Deductions for Artwork

I can only assume that the reason no one has bid on our priceless artwork is because you feel that your house is too modest to be burdened by such a magnificent and groundbreaking wall hanging. However, this is not a real loss for us, because we can still make a significant amount of money off this piece of art even if no one buys it.

How? By getting a tax deduction of course. You see, anything you donate to a registered non-profit organization in the U.S. is tax deductible. That means that if you donate some old clothes to the local Salvation Army, you can write it off in your taxes. The downside is that old clothes aren't worth much, so your tax writeoff will be like five dollars. 

The key is to donate something extremely valuable. This is where priceless artwork comes in. 

How to get a high tax deduction for a junky piece of art

1. Create some sort of artwork. It does not have to be good.

2. Offer to sell it to your friends

3. Convince a few of them to bid the price up to an extremely high price, like 80 dollars (some art goes for multi millions of dollars, so really, there is not much of a limit)

4. Do not actually sell it to them. They are bidding the price up artificially high, knowing that they will not actually have to buy it at that price.

5. After the price has been bid up really high, donate the art to some kind of charity

6. Tell the charity that the art is worth whatever amount your friends bid it up to. I doubt they will ask many questions about this.

7. Get a receipt from the charity

8. Write off this amount in your taxes the following year*

9. Wait for the IRS to approve your gigantic tax refund. I imagine they will approve it immediately, and send you a nice card thanking you for your generosity towards the charity. The IRS is very friendly, and always approves everything.

10. Collect your enormous tax refund

*This idea is actually more illegal than most of our other ones, to the point that we feel it is necessary to point out that you should not actually do it. It is called tax fraud. Even though Al Capone probably killed like 1000 people in the 1920s and 1930s, the thing that finally got him in trouble was tax fraud. The FBI may not notice if you kill a bunch of gangsters in Chicago, but if you do something shady with your taxes, they will always find out.

Alternative idea:  if you do not want to be on the bad side of the IRS change step 5 in the above business plan to read "5. After the price has been bid up really high, demand the highest bidder pay the full bid price."  Friends forget and forgive... the IRS does not!