Make money by finding treasure!

Howtomakeadollar is ecstatic to announce we have entered into a new world.  A world of hope, excitement, mystery, and fulfillment all rolled into a nice little package wrapped in rainbow colored bacon!  The wold of Treasure Hunting!

Howtomakeadollar is a proud owner of a brand new Bounty Hunter Quick Draw 2!  This exquisite metal detector is the key to our future fortune.

People loose things all of the time.  That is a scientifically proven fact.  Everyone reading this has lost something in their life time.  Most likely it is something of value.  The best way to measure the value of something is based on its metal content.  The more metal something is made out of, the more valuable it is.  Also a scientific fact.  And the best way to find lost metal is by using a metal detector!

Howtomakeadollar is also proud to announce that we did not go into debt to buy this tool of investment. This tool of investment (aka our metal detector) was purchased from funds obtained through howtomakeadollars numerous and very profitable ventures.  

Howtomakeadollar is going on a special treasure hunting trip next week to an exotic tropical location to do some serious metal detecting.  We will keep you updated on the treasures we uncover!

Start a Business Selling Toads

One of the founding principles of Howtomakeadollar is that any time you can get something for free, you should get as much of it as possible, no matter what it is. This is different from hoarding because hoarders take stuff and keep it, while we take stuff and sell it.

I was thinking of this the other day while I was out hiking and saw like 50 toads. I don't know what the market is like for toads nowadays. I suspect it is fairly flat, but a flat market is still a market, and toads are free. So you may as well wrangle a bunch of them together and try to sell them off. A good rule of thumb is that if someone offers you 50 of something for free, then there has to be a way to make money off it. It doesn't really matter what it is. 50 of anything is a good deal.

Toads: Somewhere in the world there is a person who wants one

I'm sure there is some sort of National Toad Enthusiasts Coalition or toad collectors group out there that would love to buy toads off you. Let me check. Yep. After a quick scan of the Internet I have found this to be true. There is a group called "Save the Toads" here:  http://www.savethetoads.com/, and there is also a group called "Stop the toads" http://www.stopthetoad.org.au/. Both of these groups appear to be legitimate, and either one would be a good place to start hawking your toads. The first group would pay you not to kill them, and the second group seems willing to pay you to kill them. This is a perfect storm for a bidding war. All you need is a bunch of toads. Let me explain how to get them.

I did not stop to collect the toads I encountered because I was going hiking and had not brought a proper toad receptacle with me. However, if you want to pursue this opportunity, I will tell you how to do it. First, I was hiking a trail in New Hampshire known as the Pemigewassett Loop, so you will need to go there if you want toads. Secondly, you should know that the Pemi Loop is considered to be the 2nd most difficult day hike in North America. It is about 32 miles, and climbs 11 mountains, so its not going to be easy. But it is worth it because of all the toads you can get.

All you need to do is hike the loop and bring a large bag or box or something. Everytime you find a toad just grab it and drop it in the bag. I promise you will see at least 50 of them if you do this whole trail. After that its just a matter of finding a buyer. Even if you sell all 50 of them for two cents each, you still make a dollar, and I think a two cent toad is a great deal.

I've even thought of a few selling points for to make.
1. Toads are immortal. On my hike, I accidentally stepped on one, but it didn't die. It just hopped away. A few years ago I ran one over with a mower, and it hopped out the other side totally fine. (seriously). No blood, no guts, no sign of any trauma. This is because toads, like Elvis, never actually die. If this fact doesn't get you a toad sale, I don't know what will. Toads are immortal and indestructible.
2. Toads eat lots of insects. If you get toads, you will never get an ant or termite problem. Just get a bunch of toads and let them roam freely around your house. I recommend at least five toads per room. You will probably need to keep your rooms dark and damp at all times, and maybe get some rotten logs, because that is what toads like.

How to make money on Fourth of July

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!

Fourth of July is a time to celebrate our countries independence... but most importantly, like all other holidays, it is a great time to make money!

Howtomakeadollar has determined taking advantage of peoples emotions is a great way to make money.  To take it a step further, an even better way to make money is to take advantage of children's emotions.

Step by step plan for making money on Fourth of July by taking advantage of children's emotions:
1.  Celebrate 4th of July in the United States*,**,***

2.  Go to a place where there is a large group of people and fireworks

3.  Find a group of kids playing with sparklers

4.  Inform the happy children that the sparklers they are using are a fire hazard that causes over 170 deaths per year (completely made up).  Ask them if they are okay with knowingly contributing to these deaths.

5.  Inform the children that sparklers contain potassium nitrate, dextrin, sulfur, and charcoal all known components that are scientifically proven to contribute to global warming.  Ask them if they like to make mother earth cry.  Also ask them if they are okay with killing all of the polar bears in the world.  Also ask them if they are okay with the fact that if they continue to burn their sparklers every fourth of July the earth will be destroyed in exactly 7.5 years.

6.  Inform the children that the fumes from the sparklers is the leading cause of lung cancer.  Ask them if they are okay with slowly killing everyone around them.

7.  Continue to tell the children how dangerous, irresponsible, and harmful to the environment their sparklers are.  Continue this process until at least 63% of the children are in tears.

8.  At this point tell the children you are are a member of EAACUS (Ethical Adults Against Children Using Sparklers)**** and you need to confiscate the remaining sparklers and they must pay the $.50 sparkler reform tax for each sparkler they have burned.

9.  Most likely all of the children will run to their parents, get all of the extra sparklers and money and hurry back to give them to you.

10.  Thank the children for doing the right thing and assure them their grandchildren will thank them for making the right decision.

11.  Take the sparklers to the other side of the large group of people celebrating their independence and sell the sparklers to a group of underprivileged-non-sparkler-wielding children.

*The plan can be carried out in other countries on other days besides 4th of July, but may not be as  profitable. 

**4th of July may not be celebrated anymore in a couple of years, so take advantage of it while you can. 

***Once 4th of July is outlawed you can adapt the plan in the UK to Guy Fawks Night on November 5th

****Along with our Ride Shotgun for Life cards, howtomakeadollar sells EAACUS cards.  Having an EAACUS card will definitely make your story more believable.

Make money by providing a quality product

Howtomakeadollar is not always the most ethical in our business practices and the claims we make.  But that's okay, because we have an Official Fact Check Guy and an Official Accountant to keep us straight (i.e. take the blame for all of our unscrupulous business practices).  If you are trying to be a good business person; however, howtomakeadollar feels it is important to sell a quality product.  Selling a quality product is a better business practice than selling a poor quality product.  Its true.

Howtomakeadollar is proud to announce that we create quality products!  We have a lot of people who hate us (you can see a list of them on the right column of our blog)... but we also have several people who like us because we produce a quality product.  The quality product I am referring to is our custom laptop sleeve protector.  Specifically our superman laptop sleeve protectors.

Here are some of the rave reviews...

"It's AWESOME!  Thanks." - Dustin B.

"This product was made for my husband and he is a very hard man to shop for...he is all about functionality. I thought the Superman logo would be cute since he was a fan of the comics as a child. I gave him the gift when he started a new job and he really liked it. He uses it allll the time and has made comments about how perfect it is in size. I didn't know it at the time but he was planning on investing in an expensive one from a computer store. Now he has one with sentimental value and is also completely functional." -Leila H.

"Hands down the coolest think I have ever seen in my entire life!" -Andrew G.

So if you want to be successful selling a product, the key is to make a good product.  If you would like to order your own super high quality custom laptop sleeve protector, email us and we will start on it as soon as possible.  Please note that we currently have a slight backlog from all of our custom ipad sleeve protector orders that are coming in.  But your order is extremely important to us and will be processed in the order it was received.

Make Money by Predicting the Weather and Occasionally Being Right

Howtomakeadollar wants to celebrate Memorial Day today with all of our readers. So in honor of this holiday, we are publishing a blog about weather forecasting.


One of the bragging points at the college I attended was that one quarter of all weather forecasters in the U.S. had graduated from my school. This stat, if true, is pretty impressive on its face. However, if you think about it, you will come to realize that weather forecasting is not exactly a difficult job, and takes only about an hour a day to do, so you probably don't need to go around town rodomontading about it too much, and it doesn't work too well as a pick-up line either. The interesting thing about weather forecasters is that I'm pretty sure they make like $5 million per year. I'm not going to bother verifying any of this info, but you can take my word for it.


OK, I'll take your word for it because this seems like an informative and reliable website. How can I learn  to predict the weather and make millions?


Easy. Investigative journalists at Howtomakeadollar have spent years infiltrating the best meteorology programs in the world, and have provided a collection of phrases that you can use in order to sound like an expert weather forecaster and bring in millions. 


"Partly cloudy:" This is a phrase you can use if you don't really have any idea what is going on with the weather. It means that there will be some clouds in the sky sometimes, and sometimes not. You can safely predict this every day of the year, and you should only use the other phrases below if you feel like you are getting in a rut.


"Chance of rain:" This is a phrase you can use if you think it might rain, or might not. You can say it every few days just to keep things interesting.


"Scattered showers:" You can use the phrase in place of "Chance of rain" whenever you want. It means that you think it might rain, but you don't know when or where.


"Hot:" Use this in the summer time, or whenever global warming starts*


"Cold:" Use in winter


"Really Hot:" Use in Mexico




*I thought for sure global warming had started last Wednesday, but then it got cool again, so no go. Check this site often for up-to-the-minute updates on when global warming starts. 


Current forecast: [one minute ago] Chance of Global Warming

Updated: How to LOSE $1 by racing in the Smith Mountain Lake Sprint Triathalon

Congratulations to Joseph Pull for making $1 off of this idea!!!!!!

Updated version:

Howtomakeadollar supports physical fitness feels physical fitness is overrated.  One way to get a good workout is to take up racing in triathlons.  Triathlons consist of swimming, biking and running.  They are easy.  People usually do not need to do any training for triathlons.

To make lose an extra dollar or two we suggest participating in triathlons with your friends and betting them you will beat them.

Step by Step plan:
1) Pay $180 for a year member ship to a swimming pool
2) Buy a new pair of $125 running shoes (howtomakeadollar is sponsored by Nike+ shoes, so use them!) (this is obviously an unsubstantiated claim... we just needed an excuse to include a picture)

3) Buy a new $2,900 bike, the more expensive the faster it is! (false: expensive bikes are slow... the older and rustier they are the better!)
4) Train (not completely necessary)
5) Sign up for the Smith Mountain Lake sprint triathlon
6) Bet your friend $1 that you finish before they do
7) Finish before your friend does (this one is the most important step in the plan)
7a) Allow your friend to pass you with only .5 miles left in the race... and watch them cross the finish line 30 seconds before you do.  
8) Added benefit... listen as the winners daughters remind you that their daddy is faster than you and that he won the race!

Easy way to make lose $1!


At least somebody made a dollar off of the deal!  Way to go Joe!!!!!

Buy Pablo Picasso Signed original

In our research on how to make our own REAL money... we learned something that most people do not know.  Pablo Picasso was the original designer of the one dollar bill.  Luckily for all of our readers we found the last original one dollar bill signed by Pablo Picasso himself.

You can buy the last original one dollar bill signed by Pablo Picasso here for only $1 (plus $0.44 for shipping and handling).

Want to get famous and make money? Enter the 2010 Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-Off championship for a chance at fame and money. Official rules are here.

Make money by keeping secrets

Has anyone ever asked you to keep a secret?  Chances are the answer is yes.  Did you make any money off of it?  Chances are the answer is no.  That is unfortunate because you could have made at least $1 off of the situation.

Next time someone asks you "Can you keep a secret?" make sure you make money.  Here's how the conversation should go:

Some guy: "Can you keep a secret?"

You: "Of course I can... please tell me all of your secrets."

Some guy: "Cool... (insert secret here)"

You: "Thanks for telling me your secret... now you need to pay me $1 to ensure I will not tell everyone I know.  And an extra $1 to ensure I do not post it as my status update on Facebook."

Some guy:  "Cool... here's your money... and I'll throw in an extra $1 because you were so honest and up-front with me.  Thanks for being such a good friend."

Now that you have your $3... post a status update on your facebook page saying "I have a secret that (some guy) really does not want me to tell you.  I will tell the secret to the highest bidder."  Sell secret to highest bidder.... most likely it will be TMZ because they want to know all of the secrets in the whole world... no matter who the some guy is.



Have a good idea for making money? Howtomakeadollar is now hosting its annual Best Guest Bloggers Blogfest Blog-off. Email us your idea, and we will publish it on this website. If enough voters vote for it, you will win money and prestige, and people will say nice things about you. See here for all the official rules. 

How to make $1 in 35 seconds

We have blogged previously about how to make $80 with a copy machine... the ONLY problem with that blog is that you need at least $1 to carry out the simple business plan.  For this idea, you don't need a REAL $1... just a PLAY $1.

Step by Step business plan:
1) Obtain PLAY $1 bill.  This should cost you significantly less than $1.  If it costs you more than $1 hopefully its signed by Pablo Picasso.

2) Locate on the PLAY $1 where it says PLAY

3) Cross out the word PLAY and replace it with the word REAL

4) Optional step: Color the money green (sometimes the PLAY money comes already green... in that case you have saved yourself at least 10 seconds off of the time it takes to execute this business plan)

5) Repeat steps 1 through 4

Simple and easy way to make one dollar!

Howtomakeadollar Welcomes its Official Fact Check Guy

You may have noticed that contributors to Howtomakeadollar occasionally use the tag "Unsubstantiated Claims" on certain blog entries. We use this tag because we sometimes make statements that seem unreliable, or, more accurately, we occasionally make statements that appear to be completely made up. This tag is not to say that our statements are untrue. It is simply used to point out that we have not backed up our statements using authoritative sources. That is why we are proud to report that we have added an Official* Fact Check Guy (OFCG) to our ranks.

*OFCG does not hold an official position at Howtomakeadollar. The word "Official" in his title is for diminatative purposes only, and does not imply, incite, implede, nor in any other way co-comingulate such office as may resimmitize payment, either directly or indirectly, of any kind.


This does not mean that we will no longer use the "unsubstantiated claims" tag. In fact, we will probably use it even more frequently. We have outsourced the responsibility of truth to the OFCG, and will no longer be held accountable for the relationship between statements made on our blog and any form of external reality.

Make Money by Selling Priceless Artwork Part 3

Chances are, if you have an Internet connection and are literate, that you've heard about our wildly popular blog posts about making money with art. If by some chance you have not read these wonderful masterpieces of wonder and wonderment, you can do so here. However, you may as well keep reading this post for now, since you are here.

Some people have very poor taste in art, and they may not appreciate your masterpiece. In fact, this is a good way to tell if you are a truly talented artist. Truly talented artists are never appreciated in their own lifetimes. Thats why Vincent Van Gogh and Claude Monet and Rembrandt* were so poor. No one knew they were any good until they died. So if people don't like your art, that means you're a very talented artist. The more they hate it, the better you should feel about yourself. 

*Does anyone know Rembrandt's first name? I think it was Marv, but I could be wrong.

One obvious way to get people to pay massive amounts of money for your art would be to die. However, dying is kind of permanent, and you may regret it later, like a bad tattoo.  Faking your death could be a good option, but I've tried it a few times, and something always seems to go wrong. Please email me if you have ever faked your own death and then went on to a successful career as an artist. I would really like some pointers. I promise I won't tell anyone you are alive.

The best way to make money from art during your own lifetime is to paint pictures and sign them "Pablo Picasso." People spend millions on paintings by Picasso, and yours would be no different.

Dude descending a staircase


THIS PRICELESS ARTWORK CAN BE YOURS FOR $1
(plus $.44 for shipping... sorry the artwork may come folded in an envelope*)
*a standard iron should take the creases right out

DONATE MONEY TO HOWTOMAKEADOLLAR

Check out our new feature.... we now accept donations using paypal! Now you can donate money to us!

Reasons you should donate to howtomakeadollar:

- We asked you to
- We are awesome
- Our children, wives, and pet fish are dying of global warming.
- You are nice*
- You don't have anything better to do with a dollar
- You are under the impression that donating to us will enter you for a major prize. You are free to think this.

- You have an uncontrollable urge to click on random buttons on the internet
- You hate us, and are donating sarcastically
- You are under the false impression that we are a charitable institution. (We're not, but we've written about some)
- You think that by clicking the donate button we will donate money to you. You are free to think this.
- You tried one of our ideas and would like to share some of your massive profits with us before you get arrested.
- Your cat** ran across the keyboard and somehow clicked the donate button
- We owe a dollar to a guy named Vinny in Long Island
- You are a regular reader and appreciate getting a daily blog post for free


*We promise that if you donate to us (minimum donation one dollar), we will declare you officially "nice." All you have to do is donate to us, then email us and say "I donated to you. Am I nice?" We will reply and say "Yes. You are nice." You can then put "I am nice" on your resume. Everyone who has ever received this declaration from us has gone on to lead extremely successful business and family lives.
However, if you do not donate to us, then you are automatically categorized as mean. For example, if you email us and say "I did not donate to you. Am I nice?" We will reply and say "No. You are mean. Very mean." No one who has been called mean by Howtomakeadollar has ever done anything successful in their lives. You don't want this. You want "Nice."


**Howtomakeadollar does not endorse owning a cat. However, if you have a cat, we would appreciate it if you leave this screen open at all times and encourage your cat to run around on the keyboard. Besides, running around is good for cardiac health. Did you know that 100% of all cats die when theirs hearts stop beating?

Videos are key to a successful blog

Do you want your blog to be successful?  If the answer is yes... make sure you include videos.  Videos are key to a successful blog.  The video can be totally unrelated to anything at all.

Just make sure you include a video every so often.  People do not like to read; therefore give your "readers" what they want... an opportunity not to read!

Pictures are key to a good blog

If you would like to have a successful blog (like howtomakeadollar), pictures are essential.

It does't even matter what the picture is of.  People don't like to read anymore.  Just type something... anything and throw in a couple of pictures and I can guarantee you your blog will be successful.  It is a scientifically proven fact that people like pictures.  It would help if your pictures were of a cool subject and in focus... but it is not a requirement.

                         

Most pictures can speak a thousand words, but this one only speaks one word. Oh well. Its still a great photo right? I ♥ dolphins

Maybe you have a picture from a trip you took.  That's cool, throw it up on the blog post for good measure.  

Whatever you do... just make sure YOU POST PICTURES IN YOUR BLOG.  If you do not post pictures, people will get bored and leave your site.

Four pictures are the recommended amount.  Anything more than that and people lose interest.  Anything less than that and people focus too much on the pictures and wonder why you have a picture of your pet cat while you are blogging about Alaska.  Howtomakeadollar does not endorse pictures of cats.

Mother Mary Food

I'm sure you've heard about appearances of Mary (the mother of Jesus) in various items. I remember hearing about Mary appearing in people's french fries, mold spores on a window, and pepperoni pizzas. There is a whole Wikipedia page dedicated to this phenomenon. Usually when you hear about this kind of thing you probably shrug it off and forget about it. Fortunately for you, Howtomakeadollar never forgets anything, and we actually specialize in all things related to mold spores, french fries, and pizza. With our excellent memories, strong practical reasoning, and opportunistic cooking skills, we've stumbled upon a fantastic money-making opportunity for Mary enthusiasts.

You see, Mary appearances can be extremely valuable. In 2004 a woman found Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich and sold it for $28,000 on Ebay. 

Now before we explain how you can get in on this racket, you need to ask yourself some serious, soul searching questions. First of all, is it ok to eat Mary? Are you blessed if you eat the Mary pizza? Are you cursed? If you don't eat it, then what do you do with it? Do you hang it on the wall? What if you eat part of it and then hang the leftovers on the wall? These are the decisions you must make if you are a true Mary enthusiast. 

Personally, as a frequent eater of pizza, grilled cheese, and french fries, I'm about 50% sure that you are most blessed if you eat Mary. If she appeared in your food then I take that as a green light. If she appears as mildew on your window, that is probably a sign that your window is dirty. 

Now, how can you make money off the Mary phenomena?

Make Money by Eating Lots of Mary Food

Business Description: People travel all around the world to see Mary appearances. As I mentioned above, someone paid $28,000 for a partly eaten Mary sandwich. Obviously these people are on to something. Mary food provides major blessings. If you want your business to be blessed, then you need to get lots of Mary food and eat it. If eating it doesn't work then you need to get even more Mary food and hang it on your wall. The more Mary food you have, the more you will be blessed. Its very simple.

"I like what you're saying, but where can I get lots of Mary food?"

Glad you asked.

You can buy it from Howtomakeadollar. We will gladly sell you Mary toast, Mary pancakes, and Mary sandwiches for a dollar. One of our contributors is pretty sure he can procure some Mary waffles too. However, these are more expensive because of the difficult waffle market.

"This sounds completely reasonable to me. Can I see photos of the Mary food before paying for it?"

No.

"Well, alright... This seems like a very trustworthy and reputable website. How do I order a dozen?"

Email us at Howtomakeadollar@gmail.com

Another way to make money off this:
Sell toasters or frying pans that are manipulated in a way that causes them to look like Mary. Of course, these won't be "real" images of Mary because they are artificially created, and if people are buying your toasters, then presumably they are aware of this. So if you make these toasters, you may as well offer all kinds of images on them. My suggestions are Mary, Che Guevara, and maybe Abe Lincoln. I think the irony of having Lincoln on one side and Guevara on the other would be ironic enough to sell a lot of these. Mary, of course, should stand alone on her toast. I think there are other good images you could use as well.

How to Make Money In the Arctic

"The People of the Land Beyond the Land Beyond"

The Winter Olympics are upon us, giving us a perfect opportunity to point out something unique about Canada.  I never knew this before and I think there's a significant reason for that, but more on that later.

Alert, Nunavut in Canada is the northernmost settlement with permanent inhabitants in the world.  It's gently nestled within the arctic circle on Ellesmere island next to Greenland.  Despite being very cold and covered in snow 10 months of the year, the climate is actually quite dry, averaging only 6 inches of total precipitation per year.  There are 5 months of total sunlight and 5 months of total darkness.  The only time the temperature is above freezing is during their 2 month summer season when it reaches all the way into the upper 30s.  Downright balmy.  The place is so charming that two of the most significant events in its history were catastrophic plane crashes.

This is definitely not one of the most inhabitable places in the world, but yet, at last count, up to 5 people may actually permanently reside in Alert.  There are many temporary inhabitants of the frigid hamlet due to the presence of the Canadian Forces Station Alert facility, a weather station, and an airport, which is presumably the only way to get there.  Unless you ride a moose by the light of the aurora.  Why, then, does anyone choose to live there?  To man the weather station?  I don't think you need a permanent weather station to know that it's going to be yet another cold, dark day (unless of course it's the half of the year with total, relentless, blinding sunlight).  Something just doesn't quite add up.  Which brings me to my earlier suspicion of why I never heard of this place before.  My guess is that the residents have discovered, through sophisticated weather monitoring (and with a little help from Al Gore), that the ice caps are going to melt sometime within their lifetimes, transforming the icy outpost of Alert into a pleasant, tropical paradise.  They're just claiming their beachfront property now.  Luckily, we here at howtomakeadollar have discovered their secret and are sharing it with you, dear loyal reader, so you can be one of the few, lucky opportunists to claim a tract of land in one of the remotest parts of the earth that will eventually be worth millions.  That is, of course, assuming that you can stand to live among muskoxen, caribou, and Canadians, and are resilient to frostbite, depression, and insomnia (24 hour sunlight can be excruciating).  On the plus side, I bet baby seal tastes pretty good.  And it'll all be worth it in the end.  There may be easier ways to make money than this, but I doubt it.

Grand Duchy of Luxembourg

If you want to make more money, why not live in the country with the highest average income?  That county would be Luxembourg, or as it's officially known, the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg.  With a population less than that of Albuquerque, the GD of L is the land of financial opportunity, especially in the sectors of banking, steel, and "industry".  As a Luxembourgian Industrialist, you would enjoy a higher average income than your American peers while consuming fine delicacies such as fried river fish, cooked cheese, and bouneschlupp.  You may also find it necessary to become trilingual, as most Luxemburgers speak French, German, and the made up language, Luxembourgish.  There are few left in the world that speak it, so learn that gibberish before it's completely forgotten.  There are technology opportunities too, as Luxembourg has recently caught on to the internet and its moneymaking potential, attracting internet startups and companies such as eBay and Skype.  In conclusion, though it is landlocked and bordered by Belgium, Luxembourg citizens enjoy a high quality of life and the highest average salaries in the world, so pack a bag, hop on a plane, and emigrate to Luxembourg!

Thanks to wikipedia for many of the trivial tidbits included in this post.

Increase productivity at Work and Home

How to increase productivity at work and home

One thing that continually amazes me at work is how much time is spent at meetings, writing emails, and talking with people.

When I get home its more of the same.

There is no way to completely avoid this, but there is one simple trick you can use to speed things along significantly: Eliminate all unnecessary syllables, both in speech and in writing.

It is a well known fact that the average person takes 2 seconds per syllable, and can take up to five seconds on long ones like "able" as in "syllable".
As always, Howtomakeadollar offers this trick at no fee, enirely for your benefit

Do: Say "twenty-ten" when telling people what year it is (Syllable Count: 3)
Don't: Say "Two Thousand and Ten" (Syllable Count: 5)
Syllables Saved: 2
Estimated time savings in the course of a year: 30 hours

Estimated time savings in the course of a century: 48 years (It turns out that if everyone says "twenty" instead of "two thousand" the century will actually end way ahead of schedule. I did the math on this myself.)

Definitely Do Not Say: Two-Oh-One-Oh

Do: Call your boss "dude" or "lady"
Don't: Call them by their real name, which is usually longer
Estimated Time Savings: 23 hours

Do: Eliminate all unnecessary words
Don't: Offer explanations

Also Don't: Ask questions that can be worded as statements
Example:
Do: "I'm leaving now"
Don't: "I have an appointment this afternoon and I have to be there by 2:00, so is it ok if I leave a little bit early?
Estimated Time Savings: Incalculable

Your boss and your spouse will appreciate your efficiency, and you will get more work done. With the time you save, you should be free to work on other money making ideas.

Related idea: Substitute the words "are" "you," and sometimes "why" with the letters "R" "U" and sometimes "Y" in all emails. Your co-workers will envy your professionalism and you will save valuable keystrokes.

More Ways to Make Money from Swine Flu

Ok everybody. The last Swine Flu post seems to have gone over pretty well, so here is a special bonus idea for our loyal reader.

Business Idea: "Non-Swine Flu Pork"
How the Business Works
1. Get on NPR.
2. Break a story in which you make unsubstantiated claims that all pork contains Swine Flu. Speak in a soft, clear, and disinterested tone about how the meat industry has kept this a secret. Refer to the meat industry as "Big Pork."
3. Suddenly pork and ham will become extremely inexpensive
4. Buy as much of it as you can afford
5. Slap a label on it that says "Now with 0% Swine Flu!"
6. Sell it to a hippie food store for three times what you bought it for.

the end

How To Make Money By Bottling Bog Water

Consumers have already been conditioned to buy something they can get for free (water) by concluding that having it bottled is somehow safer than the retrieving it from the tap.  Clever marketing and common perception have created an extremely profitable industry.  Studies have recently shown, however, that this perception may not be entirely accurate, and according to "government and industry estimates" up to a quarter of all bottled water is actually bottled tap water!  (see the planetgreen.discovery.com story here)  If people are already willing to pay money for a perceived health benefit that may not exist, perhaps some will be willing to pay money for a rumored health benefit that definitely does not exist.  Yes, I'm talking about the rumor (started here) that bog water has antioxidant properties and enhances libido (not true).   This has been demonstrated repeatedly (never) by diligent (dubious) scientific (imaginary) research.  So, spread this rumor as fact, and head to your local bog to be the first to start selling the miracle swamp tonic known as bottled bog water!