Saturday, May 8, 2010

Make money by "Helping" people not litter

It is a well known fact that people litter.  It is also a well known fact that it is illegal to litter.  Unfortunately in the United States, people tend to get upset if the government actually enforces laws.  So often times, the government just decides its not worth enforcing laws.  One of these laws is littering.  When I refer to littering, I'm not talking about throwing trash-bags-full-of-garbage-out-of-your-sunroof-going-down-the-highway type of litter... just the little things littering.  i.e. cigarette butts out the window, straw wrappers on the floor, toothpicks from free samples at the food court, etc.  This lack of government intervention/ enforcement of an existing law, is a great money making opportunity.

The key to making money off of people littering is to invoke martial law.  When you see someone look around to see if anyone is looking, inconspicuously drop the tooth pick from their free sample on the floor and pretend like nothing happened, and continue on with you life... this is when you take action.

Step by step plan:
1) Yell at the top of your lungs "I am a U.S. citizen invoking martial law against the combatant militants in our midst."  You must say it word for word, and really loud so everyone within 50 feet can hear you.  If you do not do this it will not count and then you will just look silly.

2) Tackle the person who has littered.

3) Shove their face in their litter (note: this can also be applied to people who do not pick up their dog poop)

4) Tell them you are going to incarcerate them for breaking the law

5) After they start crying and are repentant... tell them they have to give you at least $1 and you will let them go.  If they do not have any cash... get their email address so you can send them a paypal invoice.  Note: if the person is an illegal immigrant and are afraid of deportation... you can usually get much more than $1.

6) Take money, make them pick up their trash and eat it.  Video tape them eating their trash.  Make money putting the video on youtube.

7) If you do not hold the litterer accountable... you are guilty for littering as well and run the risk of having someone invoke Martial Law against you.

This must be done... or Mother Earth will cry and all of the global warming and Al Gore "haters" will win.

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