Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mother Mary Food

I'm sure you've heard about appearances of Mary (the mother of Jesus) in various items. I remember hearing about Mary appearing in people's french fries, mold spores on a window, and pepperoni pizzas. There is a whole Wikipedia page dedicated to this phenomenon. Usually when you hear about this kind of thing you probably shrug it off and forget about it. Fortunately for you, Howtomakeadollar never forgets anything, and we actually specialize in all things related to mold spores, french fries, and pizza. With our excellent memories, strong practical reasoning, and opportunistic cooking skills, we've stumbled upon a fantastic money-making opportunity for Mary enthusiasts.

You see, Mary appearances can be extremely valuable. In 2004 a woman found Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich and sold it for $28,000 on Ebay. 

Now before we explain how you can get in on this racket, you need to ask yourself some serious, soul searching questions. First of all, is it ok to eat Mary? Are you blessed if you eat the Mary pizza? Are you cursed? If you don't eat it, then what do you do with it? Do you hang it on the wall? What if you eat part of it and then hang the leftovers on the wall? These are the decisions you must make if you are a true Mary enthusiast. 

Personally, as a frequent eater of pizza, grilled cheese, and french fries, I'm about 50% sure that you are most blessed if you eat Mary. If she appeared in your food then I take that as a green light. If she appears as mildew on your window, that is probably a sign that your window is dirty. 

Now, how can you make money off the Mary phenomena?

Make Money by Eating Lots of Mary Food
Business Description: People travel all around the world to see Mary appearances. As I mentioned above, someone paid $28,000 for a partly eaten Mary sandwich. Obviously these people are on to something. Mary food provides major blessings. If you want your business to be blessed, then you need to get lots of Mary food and eat it. If eating it doesn't work then you need to get even more Mary food and hang it on your wall. The more Mary food you have, the more you will be blessed. Its very simple.

"I like what you're saying, but where can I get lots of Mary food?"

Glad you asked.
You can buy it from Howtomakeadollar. We will gladly sell you Mary toast, Mary pancakes, and Mary sandwiches for a dollar. One of our contributors is pretty sure he can procure some Mary waffles too. However, these are more expensive because of the difficult waffle market.

"This sounds completely reasonable to me. Can I see photos of the Mary food before paying for it?"

"Well, alright... This seems like a very trustworthy and reputable website. How do I order a dozen?"
Email us at

Another way to make money off this:
Sell toasters or frying pans that are manipulated in a way that causes them to look like Mary. Of course, these won't be "real" images of Mary because they are artificially created, and if people are buying your toasters, then presumably they are aware of this. So if you make these toasters, you may as well offer all kinds of images on them. My suggestions are Mary, Che Guevara, and maybe Abe Lincoln. I think the irony of having Lincoln on one side and Guevara on the other would be ironic enough to sell a lot of these. Mary, of course, should stand alone on her toast. I think there are other good images you could use as well.

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