Thursday, February 4, 2010

Many Ways to Make Money in Alaska

Howtomakeadollar is planning to expand its readership one state at a time. Alaska, you are first. Alabama, you are next. (We are going in semi-alphabetical order) 

Idea 1: Make Millions in Alaska by Drilling for Oil
1. Go to Alaska
2. Invest millions of dollars in geological testing
3. Thats it. Stop there.
This idea stops here. A bunch of people who have never been to Alaska* say you aren't allowed to drill for oil there because of the polar bears. Sorry. I recommend you go to Venezuela or Iran or someplace more friendly.

*John McCain was adamantly opposed to Alaskan Oil drilling. Sarah Palin was for it. Who was the political mastermind behind this match-up?... I suspect no one.

New idea: 
Make millions in Alaska by hugging Polar Bears
1. Go to Alaska
2. Find a polar bear
3. Wait for it to die
4. Take a picture of it
5. Put the picture on the internet and say an oil person killed it with his greedy smile
6. Presumably someone will pay you for this.*
*phone call from some hippie
Hello. Yes, What?? You guys do this for free!! What! Are you serious?? Because you love the Earth? You smell like tundra. Don't call me again.


7. Nevermind... I don't think there are any good ways to make money in Alaska


New Idea: Make Millions in Alaska by Building Large Bridges that Connect Uninhabited Islands With One Another.

Yep, this one should work, no polar bears in the way.
Here is how it works:
1. Find the most remote region of Alaska that you can.
2. Now, make up an island that is somewhere near this remote area
3. Tell everyone that this made up island is really important for U.S. interests
4. Get paid like $300 million for building a bridge to it.
5. Sarah Palin becomes governor
6. Sarah Palin declares herself a "maverick" and shortly thereafter resigns as governor

**howtomakeadollar is curious what kind of animal this polar bear is eating. It is our belief that it is a walrus, but it really could be anything. Does anyone from Alaska have any insight on this?

the end

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