Sunday, July 4, 2010

How to make money on Fourth of July


Fourth of July is a time to celebrate our countries independence... but most importantly, like all other holidays, it is a great time to make money!

Howtomakeadollar has determined taking advantage of peoples emotions is a great way to make money.  To take it a step further, an even better way to make money is to take advantage of children's emotions.

Step by step plan for making money on Fourth of July by taking advantage of children's emotions:
1.  Celebrate 4th of July in the United States*,**,***

2.  Go to a place where there is a large group of people and fireworks

3.  Find a group of kids playing with sparklers

4.  Inform the happy children that the sparklers they are using are a fire hazard that causes over 170 deaths per year (completely made up).  Ask them if they are okay with knowingly contributing to these deaths.

5.  Inform the children that sparklers contain potassium nitrate, dextrin, sulfur, and charcoal all known components that are scientifically proven to contribute to global warming.  Ask them if they like to make mother earth cry.  Also ask them if they are okay with killing all of the polar bears in the world.  Also ask them if they are okay with the fact that if they continue to burn their sparklers every fourth of July the earth will be destroyed in exactly 7.5 years.

6.  Inform the children that the fumes from the sparklers is the leading cause of lung cancer.  Ask them if they are okay with slowly killing everyone around them.

7.  Continue to tell the children how dangerous, irresponsible, and harmful to the environment their sparklers are.  Continue this process until at least 63% of the children are in tears.

8.  At this point tell the children you are are a member of EAACUS (Ethical Adults Against Children Using Sparklers)**** and you need to confiscate the remaining sparklers and they must pay the $.50 sparkler reform tax for each sparkler they have burned.

9.  Most likely all of the children will run to their parents, get all of the extra sparklers and money and hurry back to give them to you.

10.  Thank the children for doing the right thing and assure them their grandchildren will thank them for making the right decision.

11.  Take the sparklers to the other side of the large group of people celebrating their independence and sell the sparklers to a group of underprivileged-non-sparkler-wielding children.

*The plan can be carried out in other countries on other days besides 4th of July, but may not be as  profitable. 
**4th of July may not be celebrated anymore in a couple of years, so take advantage of it while you can. 
***Once 4th of July is outlawed you can adapt the plan in the UK to Guy Fawks Night on November 5th
****Along with our Ride Shotgun for Life cards, howtomakeadollar sells EAACUS cards.  Having an EAACUS card will definitely make your story more believable.


  1. i like how Keith and I have now become poster children for the EAACUS. Bitter. I have sparklers sitting on my bed right now, too. (Infact- sparklers are hard to find here in VA beach. I think that people should buy them and then sell them with a marked up price or something.... I can not confirm nor denigh that I very recently bought to boxes off a friend of mine for $5. :)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...