It seems to me the perfect life would consist of free housing, free food, and free cable television. The only place I know that provides all of these things for free is jail. So, if you want the perfect life you must commit a crime. Make sure it isn't anything serious... just something small that will get you thrown into a minimum security prison. You could also pretend to be crazy. I'm sure the crazy house wouldn't be too bad either... as long as you avoid the electric shock therapy.
So, if you want to live the perfect life... go to jail! Simple.