It seems to me the perfect life would consist of free housing, free food, and free cable television. The only place I know that provides all of these things for free is jail. So, if you want the perfect life you must commit a crime. Make sure it isn't anything serious... just something small that will get you thrown into a minimum security prison. You could also pretend to be crazy. I'm sure the crazy house wouldn't be too bad either... as long as you avoid the electric shock therapy.