Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Make money by making those rubber strips that go around your refrigerator door

You know what that little rubber liner thingee that goes around your refrigerator door is called? Its called a gasket. As in the sentence "Jack has a gasket." You want to know what it does? It makes your refrigerator work. Without that rubber gasket in there the door will not shut, and all the little cold particles that make stuff get cold will come tumbling out all over the place. Not only that, but in the absence of all the little cold particles, little hot particles will appear, transforming your fridge into a 70 degree box of lukewarm leftovers that stink up the whole kitchen. This is how refrigerators work.

Here is a picture of some guy pointing at a refrigerator gasket
Even if you do have a gasket, but the gasket has a tear in it from the time you slammed it on a cat or maybe it just got a tear for ABSOLUTELY NO STINKING REASON WHATSOEVER. Well, in that case, the fridge will just run all day long, and all the little cold particles will all sneak right out that little tear and invite all the hot particles in. Not only that, but a whole bunch of condensation will accumulate all over the place and drip on the floor under the fridge. Condensation is a kind of water that appears for no good reason in places that water has no business being and makes stuff all wet that shouldn't get wet. Condensation that comes out of your fridge will usually smell like sweet and sour sauce and eggs. It will accumulate under the fridge and bond with all the little things that live under your fridge. If you have never rolled your fridge out to see what was under it, you need to do so right now. You will be astonished and terrified, like those guys who chase tornados around Kansas and then turn around and run away screaming like little girls as soon as they find one. After hours of building up under there, it will suddenly start to gush out from under the fridge like a busted oil rig, only smellier and with mouse turds floating in it. If you aren't paying attention you will step in it barefoot and it will be cold and you will make a little "yip" noise that makes you sound like a girl. If you are a girl you will make the same noise and then yell at the nearest man to come over and fix it.

Well, what do you do then? You go to Home Depot. Do not go to Lowes. Lowes is the worst place you could ever go. Death Valley is a lot like Lowes, only there aren't little birds flying around in Death Vally taking dumps on the merchandise, and there are no teenage girls with pink nose piercings and dyed black hair working in customer service. Also, its called Death Valley, so you know what you are getting into when you go there.

So, if you go to Home Depot, they will give you a phone number that you can call. You call that number, and some guy will ask you what the number on your fridge door is. You probably never noticed this number before, but there is a big number right on the inside of your door. It doesn't make any difference what brand your fridge is. It doesn't make any difference where you bought it. Maybe its an out-of-business off-brand made in the Weimar Republic by a bunch of Prussian serfs. Maybe you found it in a landfill outside of Vladivostok. Doesn't make any difference. That number will be there, and the guy at the phone number will have a brand new gasket on hand, sized exactly for your made-up refrigerator. He will mail it to you for $100.

He can charge any amount he wants to because he is the only guy in the world who is in the aftermarket refrigerator gasket business. When his first grade teacher asked the class what they wanted to do when they grew up, everyone said they wanted to be athletes and pilots and CIA agents. Not this guy. This guy said he wanted to get into the refrigerator gasket industry. He has no competition, he goes on vacation whenever he wants, and he has a summer home in Vale. His wife is a Tahitian masseuse. He has panda bacon delivered to his house for breakfast.

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