A few days ago the Red Cross came to my work and I donated blood because I am a moderately good person. When you are donating blood, they usually give you a little heart-shaped squeezy toy to hold in your hand. They tell you to squeeze the thing every 10 seconds. This helps keep your blood flowing while you donate. I can usually squeeze out a pint of blood in about 30 seconds. MY HEART IS STRONG AND FILLED WITH COURAGE. But for other slow-blooded people I suppose the little heart toy helps. They don't let you keep the heart-shaped squeezy toy either. After you are done giving blood they take it away and send you on yours.
Well, the other day when I gave blood, they gave me a little five inch piece of PVC pipe to squeeze. I asked the nurse what happened to all the little squeezy hearts and she told me they "ran out." A guy donating near me was given a Bic pen to squeeze. Times are tough at the Red Cross. I can only presume that they were forced to sell off their heart shaped squeeze toys. I would rate the PVC squeezing experience as about a 5. Squeezing a PVC pipe is simply not as satisfying as squeezing a squeezy toy. I would have thought that squeezing a pen would be more fun because of all the clicking you could do, but it turned out that is was just a regular pen, not one of those clickable pens. So it seems that the Red Cross has been reduced to handing out old pens and pieces of discarded plumbing. They have fallen on bad times, and are in need of various household items that can be held in the palm of your hand.