Sunday, January 17, 2010

Make money selling trash to hoarders

So, supposedly there are millions of people in the US who suffer from compulsive hoarding (i.e. keeping a lot of junk).  They can't bring themselves to throw anything away.  Everything is important to them, no matter what it is.  A&E has a whole television show dedicated to them.

Step by Step Business Plan:
1)  Find a hoarders house.  This should be relatively easy.  Drive around and look for the house with long grass and trash... I mean really cool important irreplaceable stuff... thrown around the front yard.  Some hoarders hoard pets, so if there is no trash you could look for the person with 50 cats and 35 dogs running around their front yard
2)  Knock on the door (avoid getting bit by dogs).
3)  Determine what the hoarder collects.  This should be pretty obvious.  You will either see the item they particularly like in their front yard, or pouring out of the door as they open it.
4)  Try hard not to throw up when the door is open... the smell of a house full of trash, filth, and pet urine can be a little overwhelming
5)  Tell them you have some really important stuff for them to buy.  If you can't figure out what they like.. McDonald's Happy Meal toys, pizza boxes, bags of dirty clothes, novelty coffee mugs, or left handed nine irons are usually a pretty safe bet
6)  After they agree to buy stuff from you, go to the closest thrift store dumpster and collect everything you can find (hopefully including their item of choice).
7)  Bring it to their house, take their money
8)  Repeat
9)  Repeat (they can never get enough stuff)

Competition: A&E (the hoarders show saves hoarders from their trash)

If you time it right, you can find the people A&E just "saved."  They will obviously be in a state of depression and miss all of their recently thrown away stuff.  This is a great time to help them fill up their clean houses again.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry, dude. Completely tasteless. Not funny. Get a life.


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