Saturday, January 2, 2010

Make Money Off Swine Flu

A good way to make money is to take advantage of things that people are afraid of. Sell something that claims to eliminate or nullify the threat, and people will buy it.

Right now there are two things that everyone in the world is terrified of: Kimbo Slice, and Swine Flu. Unfortunately, Howtomakeadollar has not yet discovered an effective way of protecting people from Kimbo Slice, nor is it likely that anyone ever will. 

As for Swine Flu, we have two suggestions.

Sell "Vaccines"
1. Get a bunch of syringes from someone at craigslist. (Thats where I get all of mine)
2. Fill them up with a translucent liquid substance
3. Tell people it is a vaccine. You can even write: "Vaccine" on the side of the syringe with a Sharpie.
4. Tell people to form a line

5. Charge $100 per shot

Reverse Sponsorship
Many businesses will pay money to get their name on an event. For example, in college football, the Fiesta Bowl is called the "Tostitos Fiesta Bowl." I have no idea how much the Frito-Lay company pays to get their Tostitos brand on this game, but its probably at least a dollar, which we consider to be a lot. This kind of thing is very common.  

There is no reason this can't be done in reverse. Tostitos wants its name on the Fiesta Bowl, but I bet they don't want their name on Swine Flu. This is where you come in.

Here's how the business works
1. File a patent for Swine Flu. I'm about 50% sure that you can do this by claiming to have been the first person to catch it.
2. Good, now you own all rights to swine flu
3. Change its name to "The Tostitos Swine Flu," or "Tostitos Presents: Swine Flu."

4. Call all the news networks and tell them that Tostitos is now sponsoring Swine Flu.
5. Charge the Tostitos people a dollar to get their name taken off it.
6. Repeat steps 3-5 with a different company, such as Wal-Mart.

If you have any suggestions for protecting people from Kimbo Slice, please use the comment section below.

1 comment:

  1. One way of protecting the world from the threat of Kimbo Slice would be to wait until he falls asleep and then build a gigantic cement wall around him. It would have to be at least 40 feet high, I would guess. Three times a day you could throw a goat over the wall for him to eat. That should work. Then sell advertising space on the wall, like a gigantic immovable billboard.


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