Thursday, January 14, 2010

How to make money by being an Elvis Impersonator

Business Name: Elvis Impersonator Corp.

How it works:
1. Wait around until you are in your upper 40s.
2. While you are waiting you should:
    A. Habitually eat junk food and drink beer for about 30 years until you get fat and your eyes become perpetually bleary.
    B. IMPORTANT: Before you get old and fat: Buy a tight-fitting white and gold cowboy-themed tuxedo.
3. When you have accomplished steps one and two, and all the corollaries of step two
4. Run a Google search for the words "Best Elvis Song." 

5. Learn the words to whichever song comes up first.*
6. Dye your hair black
7. Grow big sideburns
8. Put on the outfit that you bought in step 2B. It probably won't fit too well, but that is the point.
9. Go to a bar
10. Drink just enough alcohol that you will have slurred speech and will stumble when walking, but not so much that you actually fall down. (This is a delicate balance that you should have perfected sometime during step 2A)
11. Good. Now you are ready to be an Elvis Impersonator
12. Sing whatever song you learned in steps 4 and 5.
13. **Keep singing it over and over again until someone pays you**

*Howtomakeadollar has already completed this step for you. The song is "Hound Dog."

**Howtomakeadollar is not quite clear about who pays Elvis Impersonators. Is it tips? The bar owner?? Old ladies??? No one knows. Likewise, we do not know the going rate for Elvis Impersonators either. Personally, I would speculate that under certain circumstances, somebody, somewhere might be willing to pay up to a dollar for this service.

On a related note: Forbes estimates that Elvis Impersonators made $42 million during the 2008 recession. I don't know what that says about the state of western civilization.

Related Business Idea: I think Michael Jackson is a pretty close peer with Elvis. Both were world famous, extremely weird, and died young. In a few years you may be able to dress up really weird and make money at parties by acting like MJ. Howtomakeadollar does not recommend this idea for children's parties.

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