Wednesday, December 2, 2009

How to make money with dangerous animals

Business name: Violent Animal Rental Services Inc.

Business Description: Basically what you are trying to do in this business is rent out your dangerous animals to people who are willing to pay money for the chance to prove their manhood in a fight. You provide the bear, wolf, wolverine, or crocodile, and they fight it. In my experience, most people are willing to pay $200-$300 per hour for this service. In addition to the rental fee, you can also charge admission to the event, and charge commissions on any gambling that takes place. Alcohol is usually in high demand as well. It may be a good idea to have medical staff on hand in case any of the contestants survive.

Business Logistics: You need to acquire a few fighting animals. I recommend that you start with wolves, bears, and crocodiles. Wolves are inexpensive, and come in packs, making them easy to load into small cages and transport the around the country. Bears and crocodiles are “big ticket” items that will draw a crowd. Bears can be expensive, but you don’t need to worry about replacing them because they very rarely lose a fight. Crocodiles are difficult to procure, but many villages in Africa will actually pay you to capture their crocs, so there’s that. No one has ever killed a croc in a fair fight, so you probably don’t need to worry about replacing your croc once you get one. I never recommend tigers.

Business costs: A good fighting bear can run anywhere from $1,200 to $3,000 depending on age. Wolves are significantly cheaper. You can usually buy a decent wolf for about $250 in Canada. The wolverine market is very tight right now, so any price is a good one. I do not recommend tigers under any circumstances.

Business Risks: Lawsuits. Many animal rights activists will want to get you for animal cruelty. But remember, its not cruelty if the animal attacks you first. Everything that happens after that is self-defense.

Feasibility Quotient: 18

Competitors: Ice Hockey, This Guy

Marketing Suggestions: This is a business that mostly sells itself. Very little marketing is necessary.

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