Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Would Somebody Please Get These Aliens Out of My Nuclear Missile Silo

Howtomakeadollar likes to link to stories in the news that are somewhat out of the ordinary and explain how you can make money off them. We've done this frequently. You can read a few of them here and here..

Well, today's story is at least as weird as any others we've encountered. A group of six former U.S. military officers have claimed that aliens from outer space have repeatedly shut down nuclear missiles in the U.S. and Britain. Not only is this a real story, but apparently they have convinced some high ranking people at the National Press Club to let them do a news conference. A good summation of their story is here. Now remember, this is a real news story reported by the National Press Club and the London* Telegraph. Its not the national Enquirer.

*London is a city in Europe somewhere

Anyway, Captain Robert Salas, one of the officers who appeared at the news conference, said that in 1967 he personally witnessed a UFO hovering over the Malmstrom Air Force base in Montana, and ten Minuteman nuclear missiles were simultaneously deactivated. Similar stories have emerged from numerous nuclear missile sites around the U.S. and Britain, the most recent of which occurred in 2003. He believes that aliens have come to prevent us from nuclear disaster.

I'm going to come right out and say right now that it doesn't matter if this is actually true or not. Either way, our nukes are in danger. One one hand, maybe there are a bunch of intergalactic peace hippies floating up in the sky and arbitrarily shutting down our nuclear warheads. On the other hand, maybe the Air Force has hired a bunch of hallucinating LSD experiments gone wrong to guard our nukes. Either way, we are in danger, and we need a good security force to protect our nukes. Security forces get paid decent money, so thats how you can make a dollar off aliens.

And don't think for a moment that these are happy aliens who believe in peace. No way. If they are zapping our nukes its because they hate us and want us dead. Maybe they are planning to invade, and are testing our alertness, maybe they are just hoping we self destruct. In any case, nukes are good. Nukes are extremely good for world peace. Nukes have been the most potent force of peacemaking in world history.

Consider the two World Wars of the 20th century. In WWI, roughly 16 million people died, and another 21 million were wounded. Thats astounding. In WWII, about 25 million soldiers were killed, and about 40 million civilians were killed. Thats even more astounding. If it makes you feel any better, most of them were Nazis and Communists.

Lots of people have tried to add up all the deaths in the 20th century due to war and genocide, and they've reached a wide range of estimates, but generally speaking we can say that at least 100 million people were killed in the 20th century in wars and genocides.

Now, lets add up the total number of people killed by nukes since their invention.
Hiroshima Aug. 6, 1945 66,000 dead, 69,000 wounded.
Nagasaki Aug. 9, 1945 39,000 dead, 25,000 wounded.
So thats a grand total of 105,000 people dead and another 94,000 wounded by nukes compared to 100 million killed without nukes. Also consider that nations with nukes are simply less likely to even go to war in the first place, or be invaded. Since nukes were invented, almost all of the killing has taken place between nations without nukes. Nukes have prevented countless wars, and prevented other wars from escalating.

Now consider that the two largest powers of the 20th century absolutely hated each other. From 1947 to 1991, there was constant tension between the USSR (bad) and U.S. (good). Never before, in all of history, have two nations been as powerful as the U.S. and the USSR and failed to go to war. The reason? Nukes. Both nations knew that if war ever broke out, it would be the end of the world. So war never broke out, and we just had a cold war instead of a hot one. Nukes prevented all out war. How many people would have died if the U.S. and the Soviets had gone to war? How many people died when they did not go to war? 0.

Think about the Cold War some more. During the 1950s and 60s, the USSR advanced through all of eastern Europe, but then stopped halfway across Germany. Why did they stop? Nukes. France, Germany, and Britain all had nukes, and would defend themselves and their neighbors if the Soviets kept advancing. Nukes prevented a communist takeover of all of Europe. How many people would have died?

During the Gulf War in 1991, Saddam Hussein launched a few scud missiles wily nily into Israel because he was a murderous freak. Israel told him that if he kept it up, they would nuke Baghdad. He stopped. Again, nukes prevented a war from escalating.

Obviously nukes are capable of enormous destruction, so maybe tomorrow a nuclear war will break out and obliterate the death toll of the last century. But so far nukes have been a tremendous force of peacemaking. They have prevented wars and ended wars, and never started wars. Nations with nukes are merciful* against nations without them, and nations without them are respectful of nations with them.

*So far. I am certain that Iran, if it gets a nuke, will use it almost immediately against Israel or the U.S... Iran is a thoroughly unreasonable nation, run by suicide bombers. Another disaster would be if a nuke gets stolen by suicidal terrorists. People with an interest in their own continued existence will be very careful about nukes, which is why we need to protect the ones we have. 

If you a re tough guy, go join the military and offer your services protecting our nukes from the warmongering aliens.

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